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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays many students live with their families while others go to another city to study at a university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both scenarios. Include relevant examples in your answer.

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In the contemporary era, education plays a pivotal role in everybody's life to be able to attain desired jobs. These days, many pupils prefer to study
while
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 living with their families
however
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, moving to other
cities
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 to study at Universities is
also
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 common among other groups of students. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the benefits and drawbacks of
this
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 approach in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with advantages, living with family
while
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 studying makes it easy to devote more
time
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 to studying as mothers not only encourage them but
also
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 provide them food from
time
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 to
time
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 which allows scholers to focus more on their homework given by school rather than spending
time
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 to make food.
Moreover
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, if some students choose to shift to other countries or
cities
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 for study, it can be a great opportunity to explore other
cities
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while
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 learning.
For instance
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, knowledge about other traditions and cultures makes their future resumes more strong to attain jobs in those areas.
However
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, despite having some positive influences of these approaches, there are certain drawbacks. First of all, when youngsters live with their families
while
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 studying, their siblings can be a problem for them because they can distract them by making noise around them. Owing to
this
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, they would not be able to obtain their required scores.
On the other hand
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, when they move to other
cities
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, they can feel homesick which
also
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 makes it difficult to concentrate on their education. Though they can make friends over there
but
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apply
show examples
still they always think about their family members.
For example
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, being an international student in Canada, it was difficult for me to adapt to the culture of
this
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 country and I missed my parents so much at that
time
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 and was unable to attend important functions in my village. In conclusion, living with families is always a pleasure as one can share their thoughts with whom they trust
while
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 shifting to other areas for education opens the door for attaining higher salaries jobs because of knowledge of that area's culture.
Although
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 there are negative aspects of these approaches,
that
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they
show examples
 can be solved by taking some steps.

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clarity
Try to refine the main points to ensure greater clarity. Sometimes sentences can become lengthy and lose focus, so breaking complex ideas into simpler statements can improve readability.
cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smoother. Phrases like 'On the other hand' can be extended to provide a more seamless shift between contrasting ideas.
language
Work on enriching your vocabulary and varying sentence structures. This can not only improve the readability of your essay but also demonstrate a better command of the English language.
task response
You presented both the advantages and disadvantages of living with family and moving to another city for studies, providing a balanced view.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a personal touch with a suggestion that issues can be addressed with certain steps.
support
Relevant examples were provided, including your personal experience, which adds authenticity to the arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Emotional support
  • Independence
  • Self-reliance
  • Familiar environment
  • Social experiences
  • Responsibility
  • Personal growth
  • Homesickness
  • Financial strain
  • Diverse cultures
  • Networking opportunities
  • Family expectations
  • New identity
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