Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Many are of the belief that

happiness

Use synonyms

is a result of financial success, while others feel there are more crucial factors. In my opinion, a certain degree of financial stability is a basic requirement for

happiness

Use synonyms

but is less important overall than one’s family and

health

Use synonyms

. Those who claim that

happiness

Use synonyms

correlates highly with earnings argue that it affords individuals a higher standard of living. A person with a considerable salary is able to buy a nice house, provide for their family, and purchase luxuries ranging from good food and frequent holidays to expensive vehicles and fashionable clothing. Each item

taken

Add the auxiliary verb

is taken

show examples

on its own only contributes a small degree of pleasure,

however

Linking Words

such

Linking Words

purchases add up to a

generally

Replace the word

general

show examples

content, comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle. If a person is inclined to equate pleasure with

happiness

Use synonyms

then

Linking Words

there is a legitimate argument to be made for the pursuit of

happiness

Use synonyms

being the pursuit of money.

However

Linking Words

, the majority of individuals, wealthy and

otherwise

Linking Words

, would state that

happiness

Use synonyms

is more a consequence of quality time with family and good

health

Use synonyms

. A comfortable home filled with luxuries is enjoyable but the most sustained

happiness

Use synonyms

comes from relationships. Someone who has lost touch with their family and has frayed interpersonal bonds with their relatives

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is not likely to be able to fill

such

Linking Words

a void with physical possessions. Anecdotally, towards the end of

life

Add a comma

,life

show examples

most people recognize that their happiest moments were spent in the presence of loved ones.

Additionally

Linking Words

, good

health

Use synonyms

is a more powerful pre-condition for

happiness

Use synonyms

since no amount of wealth can buy relief from chronic suffering. In conclusion,

happiness

Use synonyms

depends more on one’s relationship with their family and physical

health

Use synonyms

rather than financial success. There are, naturally, exceptions as

happiness

Use synonyms

is subjective and can be defined

differentl

Correct your spelling

differently

different

Submitted by debi_quistina on Sat Sep 25 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

296 words

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Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some students decide early in life to pursue vocational careers that involve cooking or baking. For them, it is better to study their chosen occupations in high school rather than regular subjects. To what extend do you are or disagree?

New technologies have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

To achieve personal happiness, the relationships we have with other people (friends, colleagues, family) are more essential than other thing. Issues like wealth and occupations take the second place. Write to support the claim.