Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Many are of the belief that

happiness

is a result of financial success, while others feel there are more crucial factors. In my opinion, a certain degree of financial stability is a basic requirement for

happiness

but is less important overall than one’s family and

health

. Those who claim that

happiness

correlates highly with earnings argue that it affords individuals a higher standard of living. A person with a considerable salary is able to buy a nice house, provide for their family, and purchase luxuries ranging from good food and frequent holidays to expensive vehicles and fashionable clothing. Each item

taken

Add the auxiliary verb

is taken

show examples

on its own only contributes a small degree of pleasure,

however

such

purchases add up to a

generally

Replace the word

general

show examples

content, comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle. If a person is inclined to equate pleasure with

happiness

then

there is a legitimate argument to be made for the pursuit of

happiness

being the pursuit of money.

However

, the majority of individuals, wealthy and

otherwise

, would state that

happiness

is more a consequence of quality time with family and good

health

. A comfortable home filled with luxuries is enjoyable but the most sustained

happiness

comes from relationships. Someone who has lost touch with their family and has frayed interpersonal bonds with their relatives

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is not likely to be able to fill

such

a void with physical possessions. Anecdotally, towards the end of

life

Add a comma

,life

show examples

most people recognize that their happiest moments were spent in the presence of loved ones.

Additionally

, good

health

is a more powerful pre-condition for

happiness

since no amount of wealth can buy relief from chronic suffering. In conclusion,

happiness

depends more on one’s relationship with their family and physical

health

rather than financial success. There are, naturally, exceptions as

happiness

is subjective and can be defined

differentl

Correct your spelling

differently

different

Submitted by debi_quistina on Sat Sep 25 2021

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

296 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Young people are often influenced in their behaviours and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure”. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

Many parents complain about violence promoted to their children through video games, TV programs and other media. Why is it happening? What can be the solution for it? Give your opinion and include relevant examples.

16. Some people think that it is the responsibility of governments to take care of the environment, while others believe that it is the responsibility of the citizens. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people are reducing their walks however; many health experts say that it is not good. Why do people walk less? What might encourage people to walk longer distances?