IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think people working in creative arts should be supported by government. Others think they should find financial support from other resources. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people claim that individuals who work in the creative arts should be supported by the
government
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,
while
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 others believe they should seek financial
support
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 from other sources.
To begin
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 with, some people believe that
artists
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 should be supported by the
government
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.
Artists
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 play an important role in promoting culture and tourism.
For example
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, many local governments organize weekend markets to attract tourists and provide leisure activities for residents. These events require careful planning, including the layout of the market and design features to draw in more visitors. In southern Taiwan,
for instance
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, an old village in Kaohsiung hosts a weekend market where the
government
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 invites
artists
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 to design and paint building exteriors and help renovate old houses into vibrant community spaces.
This
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 transformation helps attract more visitors, making creative professionals like
artists
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 and architects essential to the success of
such
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 projects.
Therefore
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,
government
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support
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 is crucial to ensure the development and sustainability of these cultural initiatives.
On the other hand
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, others argue that
artists
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 should find financial
support
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 from alternative sources. Some people believe that creative arts are not as important as economic development, and
therefore
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, funding should come from private sectors or other organizations. Even when
government
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support
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 exists, it may not be sufficient.
Due to
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 funding limitations,
artists
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 and art studios may need to seek additional resources to complete their projects successfully.
For instance
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, independent
artists
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 can collaborate with non-governmental and non-profit organizations to organize fundraising events or joint exhibitions. These partnerships can
support
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 both the goals of the organizations and provide
artists
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 with extra income.
As a result
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,
artists
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 can benefit from a combination of
government
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 and private funding to achieve their creative goals. In conclusion, I strongly believe that creative professionals should receive
support
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 from both the
government
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 and other sources.
This
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 combined
support
Use synonyms
 ensures that their work can thrive and continue contributing to society both culturally and economically.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly link your ideas so they flow well from one to another. Use more transition words for smoother reading.
task achievement
While your examples are good, adding a few more concrete examples would strengthen your points. Consider more varied sources of funding in your discussion.
task achievement
Your introduction presents both sides clearly and sets up the discussion well, which is a great strength.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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