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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s live. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement ?

#aim #science #people’s
There is
going
Verb problem
ongoing
show examples
 debate in our society that
science
 has to be used in improving human life. Personally, I agree with
this
 statement to some extent that I will describe below. On the one hand,
Science
 has been developed to support every individual in dealing with any situation in their life. Health care is one of the biggest examples that
science
 has to use solely for improving human existence,
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 a better solution for any diseases that still continue to develop and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 our lives easier than before.
Furthermore
, there are many things in every aspect relating to
this
such
 as the development of any kind of transportation form that we can use in our daily activities.
This
 is evidenced that
Science
 appears to making sure whether human can survive their lives or not.
On the other hand
, some argue that
science
 could appear a new problem for our planet. As we know , most of
science
 development is determined by natural resources, which sometimes are over-exploited
due to
 human ambitions, making everything they want to see related to the
Science
 field. There are many problems around the globe,
such
 as climate change, leading to widespread disaster, famine, and drought as the result of human greed. The lack of education and monitoring from the government exacerbated
this
 issue, which can lead to a bigger problem in the future. Taking everything into account, it seems to me that
science
 is one of the most important for human beings as it aims to contribute a positive contribution to a better life. But it
also
 still needs guided regulation to prevent any issue, that can appear a worsen problems for the world’s future.
Submitted by k a l l a on

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task achievement
Your essay makes a clear attempt to address the task and provides a balanced view on the topic. However, adding more specific examples would strengthen your argument. For instance, you mention healthcare and transportation briefly—elaborating on these points with specific examples or data would be beneficial.
coherence cohesion
Structurally, your essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical flow within each paragraph can be improved. For instance, in the first paragraph, transitioning more smoothly between healthcare and transportation would enhance coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the debate and presents your viewpoint clearly.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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