IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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It is true that
music
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 plays various plays in our life. Some
people
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 say that
music
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 can connect different cultures and ages
people
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. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view but
somtimes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 the difference between
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 is hard to connect
people
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 together. On the one hand, the
favorite
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favourite
show examples
music
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 genres depend on each generation, so
this
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 often causes controversy.
For example
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, in Viet Nam, most
of
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apply
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adults
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the adults
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 tend to listen to bolero, folk
music
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 or cairojess. While
teenager
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teenagers
show examples
like
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likes
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 listening to other
music
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 genres
such
Linking Words
 as pop, rap,
..
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.
...
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Therefore
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,
somtimes
Correct your spelling
sometimes
 there are some arguments between the generation because of
music
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 styles.
On the other hand
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, despite the aforementioned disadvantage, I would contend that
music
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 is a good method to bring
people
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 of different
culures
Correct your spelling
cultures
 and ages together.
People
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 who have the same
music
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 style can play and sing together.
For example
Linking Words
, there
are
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is
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 more and more
music
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club
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clubs
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 for all ages and cultures in Viet Nam,
therefore
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people
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 can share and learn many things.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, regardless of age, we can enjoy a memorable melody or a beautiful singing voice, and some songs seem to have the same effect on all of us.
This
Linking Words
 would explain why competitions of
music
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 like ‘The Voice’, ‘
Giong
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Going
 ca
nhi’
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this
,...are more and more popular shows. In conclusion,
athough
Correct your spelling
although
 there is
difference
Add an article
the difference
a difference
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about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
music
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 style between
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
,
music
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 is a good way to build good relationships between all
people
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 in the world without discrimination of age and culture.
Submitted by hnphu79 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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