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Band 4

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behavior. Do you agree or disagree?

#amount #violence #television #impact #children #behavior
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Nowadays the world is developing day by day . there is an increasing amount of
violence
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 broadcasted on television these days.which is having a negative effect on
children
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's
attitudes
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.as
children
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 are very good learners, they are
adapt
Change the form of the verb
adapted
show examples
 to what they see immediately. when they are watching destruction and
violence
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 on the screen they are learning from it very rapidly which reflects in their behaviour.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I completely agree with the
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 that watching
violence
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 on television has a bad impact on
children
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's behaviour. The environment of the house is the biggest impact of the place for learning positive
attitudes
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 for
children
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 .
for instance
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if they see parents or siblings are fighting or blaming for each
others
Change to a genitive case
other's
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children
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 would learn from their parent's behaviours. their parent's characters are badly influenced for
children
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's life .home is the place
children
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 could learn positive
attitudes
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 and good education background. when the parents behave positive
attitudes
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 in front of
children
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 they are never adapting negative behaviours.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,In recent
Tv
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 programmes are the biggest learning source for
children
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 when they telecasted bad content on
tv
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 channels definitely
children
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 are getting things from it.
tv
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 programmes could do turn
children
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 for good or bad behaviours.
For instance
Linking Words
,nowadays
TV
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 shows and cartoons
contented
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are contented
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 with
violence
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 and fighting scenes.before one week in Sri Lanka one of the
tv
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 channel shows ,one school child was beaten his colleague because that child took his lunch box in the canteen .they can nicely solve
this
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 trouble through talking with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
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.But nowadays
children
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 are fighting for every matter. these
attitudes
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 they are taking from
TV
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 shows and fighting included cartoons . In conclusion ,negative changes in
children
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's
attitudes
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 are due to the increasing amount of shows on
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
that
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reflects what they see on
tv
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 .the government and parents should need to decreased
this
Linking Words
 changing
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 to the positive side .
Submitted by terushsachi2 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggression
  • conflict resolution
  • instill fear
  • mental health
  • perception
  • imitation
  • aggressive behavior
  • empathy
  • unrealistic understanding
  • ramifications
  • inappropriate content
  • vulnerable
  • behavioral patterns
  • differentiate
  • fiction and reality
  • exposure to violence
  • negative impact
  • television violence
  • blur the lines
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