IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that certain criminals should be made to do unpaid community work instead of being put behind the bar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Though
crime
Use synonyms
 is increasing
day
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 by
day
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 ,
fortunately
Add the comma(s)
,fortunately
show examples
 there are various ways to arrest the rise of it. Few feel pro-bono community
work
Use synonyms
 can replace the jail term.
However
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 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am of opinion that the extent of
crime
Use synonyms
 should be taken into account while deciding the punishment. Not only
this
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 essay will discuss the benefits of putting people behind the bar, but
also
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 it will be compared with community
work
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 in
such
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 cases.
First
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 and foremost, there are several benefits of doing social
work
Use synonyms
 for criminals. It helps them to contribute to the betterment of society and makes them feel part of it.
As a result
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, they do not feel alienated.
Additionally
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, they feel that their soul is getting cleansed while performing social
work
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.
For example
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, those involved in petty crimes
such
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 as stealing from grocery shops can be asked to teach children.
This
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 will lead them to realise their past behaviours.
Hence
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, inclusiveness and feeling good about social
work
Use synonyms
 can make drastic changes in the attitude of criminals.
On the other hand
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, the jail term gives people room and time to reflect on their behaviour and brings disciplines in life.
This
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 is very much needed for those who are not masters of their
day
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 to
day
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 activities and take law in hand as they are not able to control either their greed or their senses. At the same time, social
work
Use synonyms
 is not the sole remedy for heinous crimes
such
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 as murder or genocide.
Consequently
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, Proportional punishment is needed in
such
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 cases.
Hence
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, I feel that pro-bono social
work
Use synonyms
 is not the magic bullet and horses for the course's approach is the need of the hour.
Thus
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, punishment should be commensurate to the
crime
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. To summarise, though there are several benefits of unpaid community
work
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 to be done by those involved in
crime
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, the solution needs to be restricted for petty crimes and that can not be universal in nature.

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