IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new towns rather than shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #towns #malls
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Many
people
 believe that there should be more public
parks
 and
sports
 facilities built in new towns
instead
 of shopping malls. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
 point of view for the undeniable advantages
such
 as improving
health
 and enlarging the community.
First
 of all, it is hard to ignore the benefits that public
parks
 and places for
sports
 can bring to
people
’s
health
.
Parks
 are usually built with a lot of benches, trees, and other plants;
therefore
, the residents can easily get access to the fresh air of nature while relaxing on the benches or under the trees
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and taking a walk, as well.
This
 obviously provides
people
 with the chance of doing light exercise to gain better
health
 mentally and physically with totally free of charge.
Furthermore
,
sports
 facilities are better choices for
people
 who want to have a good quality of
sports
 training. Despite some extra fees, those places have functional equipment and professional trainers, which can help
people
 experience appropriate ways to do exercise.
This
 is likely to result in prolonging the residents’ life span with healthier lifestyles.
Additionally
, even though building shopping malls are beneficial in some ways, its advantage cannot outweigh the positive aspects of having more public
parks
 and
sports
 supplies. While most
people
 go to malls for shopping only and it seems like they have few interactions with different
people
 for other purposes,
people
 who choose to spend time in
parks
 and sport places tend to be more open and willing to enlarge their circle of acquaintances. In the
parks
, local
people
 usually have a habit of gathering and sharing small talks while relaxing or taking a walk.
This
 helps them get to know each other easily and have a better understanding of their neighbourhoods.
Similarly
,
people
 going to gyms or other sport training centres can make friends easily because of their common hobbies in sport and help each other improve in
health
 and training. In conclusion, I wholly support the idea of constructing more public
parks
 and
sports
 facilities because they obviously bring high opportunities for
people
 to gain better
health
.
Moreover
,
this
also
 helps strengthen community bonding by connecting
people
 together.
Submitted by khanh532000cm on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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