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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Prison is the best way punishment. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #punishment
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Prison
Use synonyms
 can never be
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best way to punish.If you have to discipline someone and you decide to do it
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 way,it can be accepted.being confined to a particular
place
Use synonyms
 would not totally work in all cases to show you do not agree with a
partcular
Correct your spelling
particular
 act.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 require patience to deal with them,they are temperamental and emotional.,o if you have to take them to a room called
cell
Add an article
a cell
the cell
show examples
,trust me,you would never get the best of them.
People
Use synonyms
 like
this
Linking Words
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 to be monitored.Taking
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 to a confined
place
Use synonyms
 would never bring a change in them.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 deserve
Linking Words
second
Add an article
a second
show examples
 chance.
Prison
Use synonyms
 can be as good as saying,
this
Linking Words
 person has been totally written off.No one is perfect,so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe everyone deserves a
second
Linking Words
 chance,an
offender
Use synonyms
 can be taken to another
place
Use synonyms
 where he or she would
would
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
be denied
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
normal privileges,
this
Linking Words
 still gives a beam of hope to the
offender
Use synonyms
.By the time an
offender
Use synonyms
 is deprived of privileges,
this
Linking Words
 brings a sober reflection which creates the
desire
Change the verb form
desired
show examples
 change in heart of the
offender
Use synonyms
. A saying goes; loneliness kills fast than
disease
Add an article
the disease
a disease
show examples
.Whether you agree or not,
this
Linking Words
 appears to be true,a
prison
Use synonyms
 is a
place
Use synonyms
 where there are no
people
Use synonyms
 with whom one can easily relate,which means
this
Linking Words
 person
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
was suppose
Change the verb form
was supposed
show examples
 to change would eventually become lonely,as time goes on
this
Linking Words
 can lead to depression,
this
Linking Words
 can lead to death.I believe one can discipline without making it lead to death. Going
further
Linking Words
,we see in movies that a lot of
attrocities
Correct your spelling
atrocities
 are
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 in the
prison
Use synonyms
 yard,rapes,smoking of weeds and various substances,even killings surprisingly.So,why would you make it worse for the person if you plan to just punish by making him or her go to
prison
Use synonyms
?
Submitted by Dammy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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