As children become adults, their social behavior changes in some way. What are the main differences between young children’s behavior and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

It is undeniable that when children grow up to adult
life
they have often changed their own social
behaviour
in some ways. From my point of view, I think that the main differences between kids and
adults
are several things, like connections and interactions, and
this
movement can create both advantages and disadvantages for everyone. In the following paragraph, the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
detail. In my opinion, the main differences between toddlers and people
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the middle ages are the relationship
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
others
,
firstly
, because many
adults
have a lot of relationships in their
life
like family, co-worker, friend and ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend, but children have just their parents and their friends only.
In other words
, grow-up people are often wearing a lot of hats at the same time
due to
they have more and more duties to manage
rather
Rephrase
apply
show examples
than
childhood
Change preposition
in childhood
show examples
.
Secondly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication with
others
is the main
distinctions
Fix the agreement mistake
distinction
show examples
of social
behaviour
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kids and
adults
as well
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toddlers
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
often saying anything they want without thinking, but the
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
who are growing up are often
talking
Verb problem
saying
show examples
somethings when they think that it can
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive effects for them only,
for example
.
However
, I believe that
this
change can create both negative and positive impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
life
. On the one hand, one of the important benefits is that
adults
can adjust in some situations which may be difficult for children,
such
as they can work with
others
they do not like because the
adults
are often better able to separate personal matters from work than the kids.
On the other hand
, the changes
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
social
behaviour
from childhood to adulthood sometimes can cause the loss of their identity like their favourite hobbies,
for instance
. In conclusion, I strongly think that the changes in terms of social
behaviour
can make everyone
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
learn about the adaptation
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
their environments from their childhood into their adulthood,
as a result
, they can adjust their
life
to suit
others
who are staying in the same environment.
Therefore
, it is recommended that the changes in some social behaviours of each person
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
the development of
life
.
Submitted by kitsanayuiyui on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are not presented in a logical order. Structure your essay with clear introduction, body, and conclusion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: