The mass media, including television, radio and newspapers, have great influence in shaping people's ideas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays,advanced technology has a great impact on
community's
lives.I Correct article usage
the community's
also
completely agree with this
notion that the mass
media
have the power to bring a change in an individual's thinking.
To begin
with,the mass
media
,including television,radio and even newspapers play a pivotal role in one's life because people are habitual in using these platforms to know about current affairs.Take,an example,the news channels during election time, seek the attention of individuals by representing supportive statements in favour of a particular party for the sake of money which results in electing the wrong candidate with the help of people's vote who believe that channels show them the truth but the real image of some reporters are completely opposite.Therefore
,the innocent communities are forced to believe what they see,hear and read.
Despite this
,the public also
adopted the same things through the influence of mass
media
.The best example is Advertisements,half a proportion of folk buy the same products from the market as well as
adopt the same eating pattern as shown in advertisements.Plus,they spend even more to buy luxury clothes and make other purchases just to satisfy themselves as part of new
virtual world.Add an article
the new
Thus
,it indirectly affects the ideas and decision-making skills of the individuals.
In conclusion,no doubt mass
media
play a vital role in uniting the world as well as
act as a big source of information but it also
has a a great impact on society's minds which indirectly makes the public dependent on mass
media
even to make small choices in their daily lives that what they buy or not.Submitted by arshrandhawa9877 on
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relevant specific examples
While the essay addresses the topic and provides relevant examples, it's important to include more varied and specific examples to strengthen the argument. For instance, discussing different types of media campaigns or other real-world instances can give more credibility to the points made.
logical structure
To improve coherence, it would be beneficial to use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay and to ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. For example, mentioning 'On the one hand' or 'Moreover' could help connect ideas better.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are some language inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. Reviewing these to ensure clarity and correctness might be useful. Additionally, breaking complex sentences into shorter, clearer ones can aid comprehensibility.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
relevant specific examples
Examples such as the influence of election news channels and advertisements are relevant and help illustrate the points being made.
complete response
The essay addresses the topic fully and maintains a well-structured argument throughout, sticking to the question asked.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite