Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #advertisements #products #lives

Some

people

believe that we purchase unnecessary items because of watching advertisements, whereas others argue that advertising just informs

about

Correct pronoun usage

us about

show examples

new goods which could improve our lives.

However

, I strongly agree with the former statement. In

this

essay, I will give reasons to support my opinion. On the

one

hand, it is undeniable that

one

should make a decision to purchase

thing

Fix the agreement mistake

things

show examples

based on

one

's need not on promotion.

However

, nowadays, advertising and marketing have a strong influence on consumers. Companies encourage customers to buy products and services by hiring actors or influencers to review their items.

As a result

, many clients will purchase things that they do not really need.

For example

, Samsung , a leading mobile company, promoted the latest mobile device through the number

one

actress in Thailand.

Consequently

people

want to buy new phones, while

actually

Add a comma

,actually

show examples

their existing devices are still working in good conditions.

Therefore

, it shows that consumers sometimes buy unneeded

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

due to the

promoting

Replace the word

promotion

show examples

On the other hand

, firms usually

communicates

Change the verb form

communicate

show examples

only the positive side of their products, so consumers will know just only

one

side.

Hence

, new products may not make our lives better as we thought.

For instance

, ABC company has announced that the latest laptop from its firm is the best

one

due to the great design, reliable operating system, etc.

Nevertheless

, it was turned out that there was an issue with its battery.

Hence

, we could not trust advertisements. In conclusion, some

people

believe that advertising could not impact consumer's behaviour because it just provided facts to

people

Nonetheless

, I firmly agree that so many firms are tempting to lure the customers by releasing the positive side or using influencers, leading

people

want

Add the particle

to want

show examples

to buy unnecessary things.

Submitted by kanokwann.joy on Tue Sep 28 2021

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

289 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
persuade
manipulative
unnecessary
excessive
artificial needs
desires
consumers
oversaturation
impulse buying
financial problems
inform
educate
features
benefits
innovations
raise awareness
social issues
positive behavior
enrich
well-being

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