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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many parents put a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. To what extent do you agree?

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In today's increasingly competitive world, it is not uncommon to see parents placing significant
pressure
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 on their
children
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 to achieve academic and professional
success
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.
While
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 a certain degree of encouragement can be beneficial, I believe that excessive
pressure
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 often does more harm than good, negatively impacting
children
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's mental health and stifling their personal development. On the one hand, some level of parental expectation can motivate
children
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 to work hard and reach their potential. Supportive parents who set clear goals and provide the necessary resources can
instill
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instil
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 discipline and a strong work ethic in their
children
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.
For instance
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,
children
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 who grow up in an environment where academic achievement is valued may be more likely to succeed in school and pursue higher education. In
such
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 cases, parental involvement acts as a guiding force rather than a source of stress.
However
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, in many cases, the
pressure
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 parents exert goes beyond healthy encouragement and becomes a burden.
This
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 is particularly evident in societies where
success
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 is narrowly defined by academic performance or financial achievement.
Children
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 under constant
pressure
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 may develop anxiety, depression, or burnout, and some may even resort to cheating or dishonest means to meet unrealistic expectations.
Moreover
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, excessive
pressure
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 can hinder the development of creativity, independence, and self-esteem, as
children
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 may feel that their worth is solely tied to their achievements.
In addition
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, pressuring
children
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 to follow specific career paths without considering their interests and strengths can lead to long-term dissatisfaction. Not every child is suited for academic excellence, and forcing them to conform to a rigid definition of
success
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 may prevent them from discovering and pursuing their true passions.
In contrast
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,
children
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 who are allowed to explore different interests and make their own choices often grow into more confident and fulfilled adults. In conclusion,
while
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 parental support is essential for a child's growth, putting too much
pressure
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 on
children
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 to succeed can be detrimental. I strongly believe that
children
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 should be encouraged, but not coerced, to strive for
success
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 in a way that aligns with their individual talents and aspirations.

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear stance on the issue and maintains a logical progression of ideas throughout the paragraphs.
Task Achievement
The introduction effectively outlines the topic and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • extracurricular activities
  • prosperous future
  • societal standards
  • peer competition
  • motivation
  • discipline
  • unfulfilled ambitions
  • resource availability
  • opportunity exploitation
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