IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#children #lifestyle #schools #parents
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Today’s
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In today’s
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 society, a certain number of
children
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 have
inactivity
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an inactivity
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 lifestyle where their
schools
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 and their
parents
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 have
responsibility
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the responsibility
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of
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for
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this
Linking Words
 issue. In
this
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 paper, I aim to elaborate my agreement in the following and present a few sides of
this
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 fact. Nowadays, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology is advancing, many
children
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 have free access to
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a verity
the verity
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verity
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variety
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 of things.
In other words
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, unlimited freedom
are
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is
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 given to
children
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 to do their different tasks.
Majority
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The majority
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 of
children
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 have free access to the Internet and they can follow a number of
website
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websites
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 which may not
appropriate
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be appropriate
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 for
children
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.
Furthermore
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, many are socialized in social media which eliminate their social skills to communicate
others
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with others
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 in real life.
Besides
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, when they spend too much time on social media and
Correct your spelling
play
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paly
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play
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 some video games, their physical activities will drop.
On the other hand
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, some people believe
parents
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 and
schools
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 should take
this
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 responsibility and deal with
this
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 problem.
Schools
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 should educate
children
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 to find their aim and their talent, whereas
parents
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 can make their
children
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 supervise to how they can look for their best in
the
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apply
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life.
Moreover
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,
schools
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 create a schedule for
children
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’s physical activities, while
parents
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 are able to provide a lot of healthy activities outside for their
children
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. I personally believe
community
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the community
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 should care about the young generation
with
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by
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 providing recreation
centers
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centres
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 and youth
club
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clubs
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 to encourage adolescence
for
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to
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 not
being
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to be
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 isolated in the world. To simplify the matter, when
children
Use synonyms
be
Change the verb form
are
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 sociable, they can obtain their aim and choose
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 lifestyle. In conclusion, according to the above-mentioned facts, unhealthy life can be ignored when
children
Use synonyms
 educate with some adviser to find the right way.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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