IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere.  To what extend do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
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It is argued that
,
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apply
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 spending
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 budget on the visual arts is unnecessary. I completely disagree with
given
Correct article usage
the given
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 statement and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why spending
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 arts should be taken into
cinsideration
Correct your spelling
consideration
 in all societies.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it is important to increase public awareness about
artist
Correct article usage
an artist
show examples
career
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careers
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.
Unfortunatelly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, in the past, many people didn't accept humans who were artists. Lots of families believe that careers like doctor, teacher, engineer and nurse were suit for their children. Thankfully, nowadays people have high respect for artists because they know the value of their masterpiece of work,
morever
Correct your spelling
moreover
,
artist
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the artist
an artist
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 is the kind of subject that can
chosen
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be chosen
show examples
 by students for their field of study at universities. It is undeniable
thet
Correct your spelling
that
 some artworks like
painting
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paintings
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 mirror what happened in the world,
for example
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, many
paitings
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paintings
 which were drawn by painters illustrated environmental issues like air pollution and deforestation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,is highly beneficial for local people that their government invest
on
Change preposition
in
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 different kinds of
art
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending on
art
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sunbjects
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subjects
have
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has
show examples
 long-term benefits. There are many exhibitions that artists can demonstrate their masterpieces of
art
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 and many visitors from around the world can go there and visit them. As all of us heard about the famous
art
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 gallery which located in Paris " Lobure museum".Each year, many international travellers go to Paris and visit
this
Linking Words
art
Use synonyms
 gallery.So
government
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the government
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 has
recieved
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received
high
Correct article usage
a high
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 amount of
money
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 from
tourist
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the tourist
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 industry. In
this
Linking Words
ways
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way
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, the job
opputunities
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opportunities
 in France have been increased and
local
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the local
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 economy has developed too which bring
higher
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a higher
show examples
 standard of living there.Governments can
learnt
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learn
show examples
 great lessons from
the
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apply
show examples
Paris and build good amenities for
touris
Correct your spelling
tourism
tourists
 in their country. To conclude,There is important that
Correct your spelling
government
governmet
Correct article usage
the governmet
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 has to invest part of their
money
Use synonyms
 for
art
Use synonyms
 purposes,it isn't
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of
money
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, for sure in near future, they'll
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 profit from
theri
Correct your spelling
their
 investment.
Submitted by aminpost on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
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