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Writing Samples
Band 4

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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It is clear that the excess weight problem is relevant right now, because the number of overweight
people
Use synonyms
 will not stop growing, and we have to do something with that.
A plenty
Remove the article
Plenty
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 think that more physical education lessons are the best solution for
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Although
Linking Words
 implementing more PE classes to school curriculum sounds crucial since it helps to promote sports to
people
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 and make it more popular, we should watch at a country
which
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in which
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 we are trying to find a solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
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. To illustrate, plenty of schools in Russia have compulsory PE classes twice or three times a week but it does not do any good because the only thing students are doing is that they are given a ball and told to play with it. I strongly believe that overweight
people
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 should just go to the gym if they want to be healthy and fit in their wedding suit, that they bought just two years ago. And I know few
people
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, that won their excess weight using just
this
Linking Words
 method, and now they look literally like greek gods in their best ages. In conclusion, as I said, physical education lessons are not the worst idea, but we should watch
at
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in
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 a country that we are trying to save from
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
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. I
also
Linking Words
 strongly believe that going to the gym is way better than just doing nothing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 physical education lessons.
Submitted by evg.sapunova on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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