IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Government should spend more money on education than recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree.

#government #money #education #recreation #sports
In
this
 contemporary era, it is believed by a few that the system should allocate funds to education rather than on recreational and sports activities. In my opinion, the
government
 approach is in the right direction, because
literacy
 plays an important role to build the character of individuals. I strongly agree with
this
 notion and I shall articulate some agreement points in forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, character building is the basic foundation of a country. Not only does it assist in the strong economic growth of the nation but
also
 aids in forming a safe society. Because of the high
literacy
 rate, people are becoming more and more aware of the benefits of a healthy community.
For instance
, in an article published in "The Hindu" on September 10, 2020, Kerala has been ranked as the topmost state on
literacy
 statistics. As a consequence, we saw a very less number of covid cases as people were educated who understood the importance of social distancing.
Thus
, I would urge the
government
 to allocate more education funds for states as well.
On the other hand
, the states which were spending maximum money on recreational and sports activities are lacking on
literacy
 graph, because of which students are least interested in taking classes and
hence
, unable to complete their necessary qualification, which results in unemployment.
As a result
, the crime rate has been increasing at a very fast pace since 2019 in Haryana. To conclude, in my view, the
government
 should be more focused on spending on studies
instead
 of flushing the money on recreational and sports activities.
Thus
, the
government
 should make appropriate legislation
that is
 mainly targeted at education for all.
Submitted by ishasharawat2 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: