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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is believed that ex-imprisoned individuals are the most appropriate those who talk to the young about the dangers of committing a crime. Personally, I strongly agree with the fact that they are. Because generally these are the only ones who truly livein acriminal situation , but they are
also
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 the only voice teenagers will hear.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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, these people are those who lived through
this
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 kind of situation , and now, they understand what they did wrong.
In other words
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, the time spent in the penitentiary made these people realise the errors they comitted and to some of them it made them want to apologise by becoming good citizens.
For example
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, imagine a criminal who spent ten years in jail and who is now a good citizen and wants to make amends. Of course, they will be more appropriate to talk with the younger generations than a psychologist who did not really live through
this
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 type of situation.
Body paragraph 2
To continue, these individuals are the best to talk about criminal life to younger generations because they are the only voices they will really respect and hear about. Because, normally, the teenagers, in an act of rebellion, do not respect authority.
However
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, when ,
for instance
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, a group of ex-criminals come to talk to them about their experience, they will respect them because
firstly
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 they are impressed knowing the grown-up in front of them who has once been a criminal. And
secondly
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, they will hear the speech with attention because some will see themselves represented in one of the
speechifier
Check wording
speakers
show examples
.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I personally think that the people who have been in prison are the most appropriate to talk about criminal life to younger generations. Because they really know these kinds of situations , and because they are truly who are respected by the adolescents.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that people who were in prison can speak to teenagers about crime. To make the answer stronger, also say that they are not always the best choice. Some may not be ready to speak, and their talk should be planned and safe.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how a true story can show the loss of family, work, money, and freedom. This will make your ideas more full and clear.
task response
Your example is linked to the point, but it is very general. Give one clear case: a man who lost ten years, could not see his child grow up, and then warns students not to copy his path.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Make the first line more direct: say your full view and name the two main reasons you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, but do not begin many sentences with “Because”. Join the reason to the sentence before it, or use “This is because”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In the second part, first explain why teenagers may listen to former prisoners, then give the example, and finally state the result.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “the only ones” and “younger generations”. Use simple changes such as “these people”, “former prisoners”, “teenagers”, and “young people”.
task response
You answer the question from the start and keep the same clear view throughout the essay.
task response
Your two main ideas are relevant: former prisoners have real experience, and teenagers may listen to them more closely.
coherence and cohesion
The order is easy to follow: introduction, two main reasons, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples and linking words such as “For example”, “However”, and “To conclude” to guide the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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