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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people who have been in jail become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. And I utterly agree that
this
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 assumption is revealed to be correct, even though exceptions do exist. It is a question that depends on many elements. First (and most obvious) is the crime the person committed to end up in prison. We are not going to let children around murderers or rapists, but it seems rather useless to have tax evaders lecture students.
Furthermore
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, it
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 depends on what message we want to communicate to our kids: how horrible prison is. They should always be careful with what they do. All these factors can change the question a lot, so it is really important to define them before taking any action. Some critics may say that it is too dangerous for our children to be exposed to criminals, even though they have already fulfilled their time in lockup, because they may “corrupt” their minds. Obviously, these are the words of paranoid parents; sometimes, the loud minority can actually shift debates in the wrong way.
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, we must express clearly why these school talks are a necessity. In many countries, the imprisonment system is an obscure and vague thing
that is
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 poorly known by a vast majority of the population.
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, having a person who was directly inside the system can help the young learn some valuable lessons, and can be an excellent method of prevention in the poorest parts of the population, the ones most likely to produce criminals.
To conclude
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, I totally agree that having ex-criminals give talks in school to students is a good and sometimes necessary thing to do, even if there are many challenges that can get in the way of successfully implementing
this
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 project.

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task response
Task response: Your main answer is clear. You agree, and you keep this view to the end. This is good. But some ideas are not fully explained. Try to show more clearly why ex-prisoners are the best people, not only good people, for this job.
task response
Task response: You talk about limits, like different crimes, and this adds depth. But part of paragraph 1 moves away from the main question. Focus more on teenagers, crime danger, and why these speakers may change young people's ideas.
task response
Task response: You need more clear and real support. Add one short example, such as a school visit by a former prisoner that helped students avoid gangs or theft.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Each paragraph has a main job. This helps the reader follow your view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some links are strong, like 'First', 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', and 'To conclude'. But a few jumps between ideas feel fast. Try to connect each point more smoothly and show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The second body paragraph is stronger than the first because it stays on one main point. In the first body paragraph, the ideas about type of crime, prison, and children are mixed. Split or order them more clearly.
task response
Task response: You answer the question directly in the first paragraph and keep a clear opinion all through the essay.
task response
Task response: You show that you can see the issue is not simple. This makes your essay more thoughtful.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, and both are clear.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Most sentences are linked in a way that is easy to follow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
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