Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued that the past prisoners would be the most interesting people to higher awareness in adolescents about committing crimes. I completely agree with the statement. To me, those who have not experienced the action are not eligible to discuss it and to try to convince them not to do it. The teenagers who are sent to jail are recurrent , and the talking stages in school are , but in general, with people not specialised in
this
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subject. That causes a lot of high schoolers not to listen or give attention to the debate.
For example
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,
this
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can be compared to the situation that happened
last
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time at my school, someone who experienced a car accident came to sensitise us about roads.
This
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time , we all listened to his story and what he recommended; we all saw the experience in him and how traumatised he was. Those who have lived a difficult moment can make us share compassion. If we project ourselves into the one talking with us, in
this
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case, people being in jail, we can project ourselves into the difficult moment. So , not wanting to finish in the same place is normal at
this
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point.
For instance
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,
To
Fix capitalization
to
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keep up with the past example, we saw all the physical damage caused by the crash , and it is shocking how dangerous
this
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can be. So we all did not want to finish in the hospital without walking capability.
To conclude
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, the prisoners are the ones who have the most experience with jail, so it is interesting to see what they think of it. But
also
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seeing how it can be traumatising, does not make the majority of teenagers want to end up in
this
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situation because of the devastating scars it can leave on us, which is why I wholeheartedly agree.

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structure
Add a clear plan and one main idea per paragraph. Start with a short intro that says what you will show. End with a short conclusion.
examples
Use examples that fit crime talk. Do not use car crash as a stand in for crime.
organization
Make each paragraph have a topic sentence. Stick to one idea per paragraph.
grammar
Keep sentences short and clear. Avoid long, heavy lines.
tone
Be fair. Acknowledge other views and explain why your view still holds.
lexical
Check spelling and word use. Fix miss to keep good sense.
conclusion
Finish with one strong point that links to the prompt.
idea
You show a clear yes to the prompt from start.
support
Examples are used to back up ideas.
structure
Intro, body, and end are present.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prisoners
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • consequences
  • insights
  • deterrent
  • guidance
  • support
  • role models
  • positive change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: