Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction

In my opinion, I agree that those who have been imprisoned and have improved their lives are good role models for teenagers who commit crimes.

Firstly

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, they can tell what problems crime can cause as they have already faced them.

Secondly

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, they can display that some wrong decisions can have severe results.

Moreover

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, their experience can give teenagers an enormous lesson.

Body paragraph 1

To begin

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with, former prisoners can tell youngsters what prison is and what problems it brings. Nowadays, some adolescents start to commit crimes to look cool for their friends or just to feel excitement. Those who can give a valuable talk about infractions and the fact that it can be too late to return when you have already lost a part of your life and chances to work.

For example

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, one person has an opportunity to tell his story and what he has lost because of the atrocities.

As a result

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, youngsters will realise that it is the wrong path and choose the right way.

Body paragraph 2

Furthermore

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, former prisoners are good examples for youngsters as they can prove that they can improve their habits and show that it is never too late to change their lives.

In addition

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, they can tell that corruption affects not only the person who committed it but

also

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its victims and their families. It will give a chance to show empathy and develop a sense of honour and dignity in adolescents.

Nevertheless

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, schools must be careful and choose only those who really want to help the youth and give useful knowledge.

Conclusion

To conclude

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, I agree that former prisoners are suitable helpers for schools with criminal adolescents . They can give valuable talks that would give the opportunity to avoid the wrong path.

Consequently

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, I believe that it is a good idea to invite

such

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people into schools to prevent misdeeds and give them a chance to develop

further

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santos_dij

Jun 1, 2023

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task response

Make your main view more exact. Say that you agree, but only if the speaker has changed and is ready to help young people. This will make your answer more full.

task response

Explain each point with more detail. For example, say how a real story about lost work, family, or freedom may stop a young person from doing crime.

task response

Use examples that fit the point. The example about one person is too general. Give a short, clear case of what the person did, what happened, and what young people can learn.

task response

Be careful with word choice. “Corruption” is not the same as all crime. Use “crime” or “bad acts” when you mean crime in general.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each main part show the exact point of that part.

coherence and cohesion

Link ideas more clearly. Some lines are not full, such as “Those who can give a valuable talk...”. Write a full sentence so the reader can follow your meaning.

coherence and cohesion

Do not repeat “can tell” and “give valuable talks” too much. Use simple other words, such as “share their story”, “show the result”, or “warn young people”.

coherence and cohesion

Make the end match your main view. The last line says “give them a chance to develop further”, but “them” is not clear. Say if you mean young people or former prisoners.

task response

You answer the question directly and give a clear view from the start.

task response

You include a useful limit: schools should choose people who truly want to help. This shows good thought.

coherence and cohesion

Your main ideas are in clear parts, and the end brings your view back.

coherence and cohesion

You use helpful links such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, “For example”, and “To conclude”.

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

313 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

prisoners
rehabilitation
recidivism
consequences
insights
deterrent
guidance
support
role models
positive change

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Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

In some countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people believe that governments have the responsibility to solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some people think students should be encouraged to work or travel after finishing secondary education and before starting university. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Share your own experience and examples.

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.