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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the future, people may have to live on other planets. Some think that it is therefore important to spend money researching other planets such as Mars. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#future #people #planets #think #money
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Today many believe think that
,
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apply
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 mankind can stay in other
satellite
Fix the agreement mistake
satellites
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 in the mere future.
However
Linking Words
,others opine that the
budegting
Correct your spelling
budgeting
 on other
planets
Use synonyms
 is wasting time and energy. In my opinion,
i
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I
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 disagree with the statement that human beings are meant to live on any other satellites, as it can be
Correct article usage
an environment
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environment
Replace the word
environmental
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 hazard.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost,
survival
Correct article usage
the survival
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 rate
living
Change preposition
of living
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in
Change preposition
on
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other
Change the wording
another planet
other planets
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planet
Use synonyms
 can be
Add an article
a danger
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danger
Replace the word
dangerous
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 because of health and safety reasons.
Such
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 as,oxygen levels
are always fluctuated
Change to the active voice
always fluctuate
fluctuated
show examples
 in other satellites.
However
Linking Words
, temperature rising up and down depends on the atmosphere
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 we are living as
this
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 can be
a
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apply
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harmful for humans.
Secondly
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, living beings who are born and brought up on the
earth
Use synonyms
 cannot survive in another space because of the various natural resources.
For instance
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, air, water and food are three energy supplements for every being.
Moreover
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,there is a scarcity of these energy sources and
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 cannot exist
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any other
planet
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
,environmental disasters occur if no humans are not living on the
planet
Use synonyms
 because
earth
Use synonyms
 is the space where most species
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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eat,
breath
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breathe
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 and sleep.
Furthermore
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,by
chance
Add a comma
,chance
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 if there is another
planet
Use synonyms
 in the future but existence rate of
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 and women will
be low
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
.
On the other hand
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,many scientists are discovering and satellites to
another
Replace the adjective
another planet
other planets
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planets
Use synonyms
 to identify whether
human
Add an article
a human
show examples
 can live their life other than the
earth
Use synonyms
.
For example
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,NASA has made scientific
research
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 on sending rockets and planes.
Moreover
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,many astronauts spend their time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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investigation
Replace the word
investigating
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 on different
planets
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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Moon and mars.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
research
Use synonyms
 and developments are increasing every year to know the facts of different
planets
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, existence rate,climatic conditions are suitable for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 to survive.
Thirdly
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, they are proven facts that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
NASA has made
research
Use synonyms
 and development and landed on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mars. In conclusion, I believe that humans are meant to live on the
earth
Use synonyms
 because we have
relationship
Add an article
a relationship
show examples
 with the soil of the
earth
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,if they are any
research
Use synonyms
 upon living on other spaceships,
this
Linking Words
 may occur natural disaster.
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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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