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Band 5

People spend too much time on the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #time #internet
Nowadays,
people
 spending most of their
time
 on the
internet
.
Although
,
people
also
 give
time
 to other works;
however
, I entirely agree with
this
 statement and will discuss my
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
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view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
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 in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, advanced technology
make
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makes
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 life easier
of
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for
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 every person.
Firstly
, to connect with friends and relatives,
people
 stay active on social media to stay in touch with friends and relatives, because it saves their
time
 and energy as compared to meet them personally.
Secondly
,
network
Correct article usage
a network
show examples
 is
convenient
Add an article
a convenient
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 way to solve the problem, so
people
 clear all their doubts by using technology, in order to, resolve the problems.
Also
,
people
 become addicted to
Correct article usage
the use
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use
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using
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 of the
internet
, so it is
the
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their
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favorite
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favourite
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past
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pastime
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time
 as well and they share their pictures over there to get
the
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apply
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comments.
Furthermore
,
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the
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network has become an indispensable part of life, we cannot think
our
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about our
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 life without the
internet
. Nowadays, online jobs
become
Add a missing verb
have become
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 more popular among youngsters from the comfort of their home, so they spend
time
 on the
internet
 to complete
their
Correct the word
theirs
show examples
.
In addition
 to
this
, advanced technology
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 provides a lot of data about the different modules, which make study
more easy
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easier
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 for the pupils.
For instance
, the Theme
time
 has been shown that
,
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apply
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in 2016 most
of
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apply
show examples
Add an article
the student
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student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 collected data from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
e-commerce to prepare their projects and they got grade A, owing to different material. To conclude, while
people
 have
lot
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a lot
show examples
 of
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other
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others
Correct pronoun usage
other
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 tasks to complete
such
 as household chores and upbringing children, yet, I agreed that
people
 are busy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serving the
internet
.
Submitted by Sohandeepkaur9327 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive
  • negatively affects
  • physical and mental health
  • decreased productivity
  • hinders personal growth
  • internet addiction
  • essential
  • numerous benefits
  • productive
  • educational
  • wisely
  • individual choice
  • responsibility
  • manage
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