IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

shopping has become a favourite pasttime among young people. Do you think they must be encouraged to do other things rather than shoppings.

#favourite #pasttime #people #shoppings
Shopping is considered a notorious way to pass the time amongst
people
. In
this
 essay, we shall discuss the various how shopping as a leisure moment can discourage shopping only. Many
people
, main youngsters use shopping as a way to spend time with friends and just unwind, after a long and stressful day. In a way,
this
 is good, because it encourages social interaction, outside schools or universities, and can help in forging stronger relationships between
people
, because they are able to confide in each other in a more neutral venue. That being said, “meeting up” on the pretext for shopping can
also
 have negative repercussions. It could
also
 lead to negative
activities
,
such
 as gang meets, and could even escalate to things as drug meets, with the intention to distribute between younger
people
.
This
 will thereby cause shopkeepers significant problems, as
such
activities
 outside their stores would deter prospective customers. If we look from the perspective of the shopkeepers, shopping as a “pastime” should be encouraged with caution, because it will help boost the sales in their shops. I used the word caution because encouraging
such
 an activity can
also
 result in unwanted situations.
On the other hand
, from the view of the shopper, it would be better if they spent their time getting involved in sporting
activities
 or even volunteer
activities
 because these will have the same desired effect, minus the unnecessary spending on things they do not require. To sum up, Shopping as a pastime like everything else will always have its pros and cons, and its purpose is purely based on the intention of the individuals involved.
Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: