IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many museums charge admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

#museums #charge #admission #people
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It is often claimed that
museums
Use synonyms
 take expenses for admission.
However
Linking Words
, other
museums
Use synonyms
 do not take
charges
Fix the agreement mistake
charge
show examples
.
First
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 and foremost,
museums
Use synonyms
 are unique spots to visit and experience the history from
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
 to the latest technology. We can easily have great weekends with friends and family, visiting
such
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 special sites. Admissions are one thing
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 may keep the customers from entering. As entrance fees are given to the museum’s reception,
this
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 activity ensures better safety and protection from violence and fraud
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, robbery can occur if there is no restriction.
As a result
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, there might be a chaotic situation.
Additionally
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, the charged amount sometimes depends upon the
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, most
people
Use synonyms
 arrive on
time
Use synonyms
. So that they can cover every corner of that particular site. Based on
fixed
Add an article
a fixed
show examples
 schedule, there might be less congestion all over the place.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
museums
Use synonyms
 will have a clean environment
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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convey
Change the verb form
conveys
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 little disturbance.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 book their seats on
time
Use synonyms
 so that they can avoid
higher
Add an article
the higher
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 cost of
Add an article
the ticket
show examples
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks to be considered. Local citizens can visit
museums
Use synonyms
 at any
time
Use synonyms
.
This
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 means there is no
time
Use synonyms
 limit along with free features.
As a result
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, the place becomes crowded and messy.
Therefore
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,
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 experience turbulence on their way to
entrance
Add an article
the entrance
show examples
 and exit path.
Moreover
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, there is no restriction of touching historical and technological objects and taking
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
pictures. Another issue is that not everyone can afford the entrance fares.
Hence
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,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should make
museums
Use synonyms
 free to the individuals publicly. To conclude, I think
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
admission is a disadvantage since
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
 should be opened for everyone, but admissions are essential for running the
museums
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, I think it is better to charge the society
people
Use synonyms
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 environment and ignorance from illegal groups of
people
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akrammum12 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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