IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports. Why is it happening? Does it have a positive or negative effect on their development

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, more and more children are engaged in playing games on computers more than exercising outdoor sports. The leading cause of
this
Linking Words
 trend is the availability of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 and the carelessness of their
parents
Use synonyms
. In my perception of view, it is a negative development. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will highlight the reasons and outline their impacts on
mental
Add an article
the mental
show examples
 and physical well-being of siblings.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 one hand, it is the enhancement in
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 technology and the availability of technological
devices
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as laptops, pads and
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
. The propagation of them makes it is easier for everyone to handle them in the era of technological development.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the carelessness of
parents
Use synonyms
 towards their siblings,
therefore
Linking Words
 they spend hours on those tools amusing themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will affect them and make them lead a sedentary lifestyle. On top of that, it may cause serious mental issues, since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood is the
time
Use synonyms
 of mental and physical development. Addiction to those
devices
Use synonyms
 is a crucial dilemma, bring them about to live in a virtual world resulting in social isolation.
For example
Linking Words
, my kids stay indoors, spend a long
time
Use synonyms
 on mobile phones.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
parents
Use synonyms
 should limit the
time
Use synonyms
 that their kids handle those
devices
Use synonyms
 for two hours maximum duration the day. In conclusion, children play video games for long hours more than playing sports.
This
Linking Words
 trend will affect them
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the long term and lead to many ramifications on their mental and physical health.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue by encouraging them to play outdoors and limit the
time
Use synonyms
 on technological
devices
Use synonyms
 before they lose their siblings.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: