Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

People

in one part of the

world

can find that they shared many similar habits with many

people

in the other part of the

world

. It is movies, films and I suppose the most popular hobby can be found in many

people

music

. It is true that

music

can connect enormous different types of

people

in different parts of the

world

Music

has a tremendous influence and it can gather

people

with different originality. I suppose that

music

has

Change the article

show examples

unpredictable power to bring

people

many

Correct your spelling

any

show examples

part

Change to a plural noun

parts

show examples

of the

world

together for the only goal: make them close together.

Therefore

, many

music

Change to a plural noun

musics

show examples

created with harmony melody which interesting

people

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

people

who love those types of

music

can

listen

Add the preposition

tolisten

show examples

it together.

Moreover

, there always has many live

concert

Change to a plural noun

concerts

show examples

of the band or the musicians that they love, so many

fan

Change to a plural noun

fans

show examples

can join in and enjoys

music

in directly

Correct your spelling

indirectly

show examples

and

this

is a

change

Correct your spelling

chance

show examples

to make friends with other

people

who has

same

Change the article

the same

show examples

feeling. Another reason why

music

is a good thing to make everybody close together

because

Add a missing verb

is because

show examples

it’s

Replace the word

its

show examples

meaning. Every time musicians or bands composing an album or a song, they always want to create

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

things can make

people

happy, or can share feeling with them. The melody and every single

words

Change to a singular noun

word

show examples

can affect human feeling, it is the power of

music

In contrast

music

can be a reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

conflicts domestic or

Change preposition

apply

show examples

social. Enormous songs are created for

teenager

Fix the agreement mistake

teenagers

show examples

or old

people

only, and it creates a lot of bad thinking in the other side group.

Therefore

, while a person

enjoy

Change the verb form

enjoys

show examples

listening to a type of

music

they love, other

people

in a family can be annoyed and think it is not suitable. To sum up,

music

is a mirage thing which can bring to human many positive feelings, but it

also

create

Change the verb form

creates

show examples

many things that need not have.

Submitted by hnphu79 on Sat Oct 02 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree of disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Do you think consumers should avoid over packed products or is it the responsibility of the producer to avoid extra packaging of goods?

Due to increasing world demandings for oil and gas energy, people need to look for a new sources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. DO advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?