IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
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There is a burgeoning increase in the number of obese
children
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 nowadays and while others believed that
this
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 is mainly the responsibility of the authorities, I disagree with
this
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 notion and will be elicited
further
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 in the following paragraphs. There are many factors affecting the physical
wellbeing
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well-being
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 of a
child
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. Weight gain in
children
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 is mainly due to the lifestyle of a
child
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's parents because the food that
the
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apply
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they serve their
children
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 will definitely affect the overall health of a
child
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. In congruence with the 2020 research on Saudi
children
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,
result
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the result
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 shows that 80 % of their parents are feeding their
children
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 with fast food meals
especially
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,especially
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 on weekdays. These resulted
to
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in
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 an increase in obese and diabetic
children
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 in Saudi Arabia. The family of a
child
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 must ensure that they eat a balanced diet. Educators have a great impact on our youth;
therefore
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, health, weight management and physical education must be taught in schools. For an instance, schools and universities in Saudi Arabia curriculum do not include Physical education,
as a
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result
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,result
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 70% of the students have a higher body mass index as compared to the students in Bahrain, who include sports education in their syllabus. It is
therefore
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 highly recommended that
children
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 must be taught physical exercises and sports to remain active and healthy. In a nutshell, the government is not accountable for the conspicuous trend in the stoutness of
children
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. Parents are liable
in
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for
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 ensuring that the youngsters are fed with
nutritious
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a nutritious
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 diet and teachers are responsible
in
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for
show examples
 incorporating exercise in schools’ daily activities.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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