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Band 4.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
There is a burgeoning increase in the number of obese
children
 nowadays and while others believed that
this
 is mainly the responsibility of the authorities, I disagree with
this
 notion and will be elicited
further
 in the following paragraphs. There are many factors affecting the physical
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of a
child
. Weight gain in
children
 is mainly due to the lifestyle of a
child
's parents because the food that
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
they serve their
children
 will definitely affect the overall health of a
child
. In congruence with the 2020 research on Saudi
children
,
result
Add an article
the result
show examples
 shows that 80 % of their parents are feeding their
children
 with fast food meals
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 on weekdays. These resulted
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an increase in obese and diabetic
children
 in Saudi Arabia. The family of a
child
 must ensure that they eat a balanced diet. Educators have a great impact on our youth;
therefore
, health, weight management and physical education must be taught in schools. For an instance, schools and universities in Saudi Arabia curriculum do not include Physical education,
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 70% of the students have a higher body mass index as compared to the students in Bahrain, who include sports education in their syllabus. It is
therefore
 highly recommended that
children
 must be taught physical exercises and sports to remain active and healthy. In a nutshell, the government is not accountable for the conspicuous trend in the stoutness of
children
. Parents are liable
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 ensuring that the youngsters are fed with
nutritious
Add an article
a nutritious
show examples
 diet and teachers are responsible
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 incorporating exercise in schools’ daily activities.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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