IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

The prevention of health problems and health illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
The advancement of technology and the pollution of our environment have adverse effects on our health. Some
people
 say, that the medicines and treatment should be enhanced so as to help
people
 in their time of need, whilst others believe it is the government who should fund different projects which look into the prevention of
such
 situations rather than spending money on treatment. I agree with the premise that the prevention of health problems should be the priority of the authorities and I will substantiate my reasons in
this
 essay. On one hand, it is important for the administration, to allocate funds for areas in the cities for creating parks, which will give the public an opportunity to mingle outside, rather than inside and online. Not only that, but the parks will
also
 be a safer place for the collective to exercise as they can avoid the traffic on the roads. An example of
this
 would be in Trivandrum, where there are no recreational grounds available and so if
people
 want to exercise, they need to carry out the activities on the roads, which are very dangerous to both themselves and the motorists. The leadership should
also
 fund the planting of trees in an attempt to clean the air in the metropolis. Alternately,
people
 believe that the ministry should plunge more funding into treatments and medicines because we are already living in a situation where diseases like obesity, diabetes, etc are already prevailing, and asking patients of
such
 illnesses to get out and exercise more and eat right is a long and slow process. Wherein, they need help now, so it is imperative to have the treatments and medicines available on hand to solve
this
 problem. To conclude, I believe the foremost responsibility of the cabinet is to provide funding for the prevention of sickness, rather than increase the supply of medicine. As the saying goes “Prevention is better than cure”.
Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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