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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#colleges #students #businesses #school #outweigh
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It is often argued that it is good for college and university
business
 programs to make their
students
 start
business
while
 in school. From my perspective, the drawbacks of the issue are
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
greater than the benefits since running a
business
 can divert
students
' attention away from the basic goal of higher education.
To begin
 with, I accept that trying to get a
business
 off the ground
while
 still in college can help
students
 put their ideas into practice using theories presented during their classes.
This
 hands-on involvement offers the
students
 a more engaging way of learning.
For example
,
students
 may be asked to write out a
business
 plan for a food truck in class, but they will not know whether it would be successful without trying to bring their idea to real life. If they are encouraged to set up the
business
, they will be able to see how to implement their plan and more easily gain practical knowledge, that will be valuable in their future careers.
On the other hand
, I am convinced that
students
 would struggle to concentrate on their studies if universities made them create businesses. Starting a
business
 involves a significant commitment of time and energy, which
students
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 be using to focus on studying.
According to
 recent research, it takes an average of two years to get a
business
 up and running.
Furthermore
, managing a successful
business
 is a full-time job, which requires people to work at least six hours per day.
As a result
,
students
 would be unable to dedicate that
amout
Correct your spelling
amount
 of time to their businesses without neglecting their studies to some extent,
thus
 hindering their long-term professional development. In conclusion,
while
 there are some advantages to encouraging
students
 to start businesses as part of their studies, it is evident that there are far more disadvantages to forcing
students
 to go into
business
while
 in college.
Submitted by jihyei0910 on

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task achievement
Ensure that arguments are thoroughly developed by providing more detailed examples and explanations. This will strengthen the overall argument and provide a more compelling case for your stance.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to paragraph transitions and topic sentences. Improving these can enhance the flow of the essay, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
task achievement
The essay effectively presents a balanced view by acknowledging both sides of the argument before presenting a clear conclusion, which strengthens the overall response.
coherence cohesion
The structure includes a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion in the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • advantages
  • outweigh
  • disadvantages
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • entrepreneurial mindset
  • creativity
  • financial independence
  • job opportunities
  • personal growth
  • professional growth
  • lack of focus
  • academic
  • financial risks
  • uncertainties
  • negative impact
  • grades
  • difficulty balancing
  • responsibilities
  • overall opinion
  • conclusion
What to do next:
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