The government should spend money on promoting sport and art in schools, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #sport #art #schools #sports #events #communities

People hold different views about whether to put money into

sports

and

art

in-school programs or into expert games and

art

shows. While I accept that school curriculums that include

sports

and

art

bring many benefits for students and societies, I would argue that professional matches and social fairs

also

exert many enormous advantages. On the one hand, I agree with the point of view that the

government

and educators should invest more in sport and

art

because of their considerable beneficial effects on both individuals and communities.

Firstly

, if students have a chance to learn

art

, they will improve their creativity and imagination, which are essential in their future jobs as businessmen, marketers, and photographers.

Besides

, when children and teenagers study physical education, they know exactly how to improve their strength and health by getting into the habit of exercising, which boosts their physical health.

As a result

, there will be a huge number of highly qualified workers that have both creativity and strength

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and will be able to develop the economy as well as the societies of nations.

However

, people just need

art

lessons and physical training at a basic level, which clearly requires just a small amount of financial aid, because most of them only want to enhance their physical health and functional brain

instead

of being athletes. Those are the reasons why the

government

should support a small budget for

sports

and creative subjects along with compulsory subjects.

On the other hand

, I believe that funding professional

sports

and

art

events

also

benefits each citizen and society in many ways.

First

of all, holding international expert

sports

matches and

art

shows means attracting the attention of people around the world, which could possibly bring many economic advantages. To be more specific, international competitions

such

as the World Cup and Euro Cup are a chance for each participating country to advertise and prove their strength and skills, increase

Correct your spelling

worldwide

show examples

world-wide

Correct your spelling

worldwide

show examples

awareness of their participants, and lead to tourism development in the host countries.

Then

, the development of tourism will increase job opportunities as well as income for local inhabitants,

thus

enhancing the economy of the host countries.

Moreover

, many

art

events

such

as designing fairs or Victoria’s Secret fashion shows raise people’s awareness about the brand, bringing many beneficial effects on marketing strategies, and boosting the sales volume of the company.

Therefore

, when the company grows, the tax budget for the

government

as well as the GDP move upward. In conclusion,

although

I agree that school sport and

art

have many positive features, it seems to me that professional events in sport and

art

have more

favorable

Change the spelling

favourable

show examples

aspects for both individuals and society.

Therefore

, it seems to me that the

government

should spend a larger part of the funding budget on professional occasions compared to the school sector.

Submitted by Anielts on Mon Oct 04 2021

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for instance
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such as
namely
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take, for example

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

470 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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