IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The way someone dresses speaks volumes about their personality. To what extent do you agree?

Every individual possesses unique personality traits. Some
people
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 argue that fashion has an overwhelming impact on
personalities
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;
nevertheless
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, I do not subscribe to
this
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 view. I believe that numerous other
factors
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 have a crucial role in cultivating
personalities
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. First and foremost, many underprivileged
people
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also
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 exhibit outstanding personas. To explain,
although
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 poor
people
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 do not have enough money to spend on their outlooks, they still possess features that appeal to others because
personalities
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 from within the inside of
people
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, cannot be influenced by one’s dressing.
For example
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, several
people
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 living in Third World countries do not have enough money to invest in their personifications at the outset of their careers ,
however
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, they still manage to acquire jobs in the fashion and media industries, owing to their innate traits.
Hence
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, despite wearing generic dresses, the
personalities
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 of
people
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 remain unchanged
due to
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 the massive role of internal
factors
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.
Furthermore
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, communication and social skills tremendously affect
personalities
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.
In other words
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,
people
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 who effectively verbalize and socialize
also
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 tend to comprehend others efficiently. Not only do these skills enable
such
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 individuals to get
along with
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 societal members smoothly, but
also
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 adorn
people
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’s
personalities
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.
This
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also
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 implies that social members have an inclination towards individuals who are good listeners
as well as
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 great advisors.
For instance
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, folks with better articulation have more companions compared to others.
Thus
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, social and verbal
factors
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 significantly influence
personalities
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. In conclusion, even though appropriate dressing has an impact on enhancing individualities and
personalities
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 to some extent, other multitudes of
factors
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,
such
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 as in-born attributes, effective comprehension, and active social skills weigh more in polishing and nurturing personas.

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task achievement
Your essay comprehensively covers the topic and presents a clear argument, but it could benefit from a clearer stance in the introduction and a more balanced consideration of the opposing view.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating ideas excessively and try to vary your sentence structures. This will help maintain the reader's interest and enhance the clarity of your points.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and help to support your points effectively. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates your understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
You have a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow your arguments.
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