IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think personal happiness is directly related to economic success, while others believe this depends on other factors. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #happiness #success #factors
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People
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 have different views about the definition of personal
happiness
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 depending upon how they feel it. Some
people
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 consider
this
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 way that it is directly related
economic
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to economic
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success
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 meanwhile others think about the factors
such
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 as
health
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, romance and others. Personally, I am inclined with the early group for many reasons.
Firstly
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, it will not be the same opinions upon it with
people
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 who are living
different
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in different
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 countries. Poor countries’ citizens who feel poverty and unemployment have the potential to consider more, economic
success
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 is the
happiness
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 as opposed to those who
lives
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live
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 in wealthy countries because economic growth and living standard are low in poor countries.
For instance
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, a daily employee earns to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the basic needs of her family, so inevitably it might be personal
happiness
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in addition
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 for
people
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 who seek
joyful
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joy
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 in their business the more they succeed in their business, the more they feel immense pleasure in their life.
Therefore
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, economic
success
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 plays a significant role related to personal
happiness
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 for those
people
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.
On the other hand
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, economic
success
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 is not
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first
Add an article
the first
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 priority for
people
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 with
disability
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disabilities
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, they will
be longed
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belonged
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 to live
being
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to be
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 normal
people
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 with good
health
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 and else a
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businessman
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business man
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businessman
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 who has million dollars bank balance statement feels depressed if his
health
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 is messed up, so only
health
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 could be their real
happiness
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.
Furthermore
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, as other instance,
people
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 who feel tragical romance will be wanted to have with the
bless
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blessing
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 of true love relationship than economic
success
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. To conclude we would not generalize personal
happiness
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is
Correct your spelling
as
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 directly related
economic
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to economic
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success
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. Personally, I am inclined with the early group for
this
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 due to
live
Change the verb form
living
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 as a struggling staff in my poor country, Myanmar.
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