Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Several individuals are of the opinion that an important method of uniting various folks from different ethnic groups and age range is through songs. In my perspective, I strongly agree that
music
is an essential tool that can be used to bring variety
of humans together because it can be used as an instrument for religious Add an article
a variety
activitie
and for exercise too.
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
Firstly
, the main reason why I think sounds can serve as an instrument to unify people
of all works of life is due to the fact that most churches use
it
to Praise and worship their creator. Correct pronoun usage
them
Apparently
both adults and children are found in Add a comma
,Apparently
this
gathering , they perceive it to be a way of motivation for them. To illustrate, I will use
myself as an example during my teenage days , when children were forbidden in my home town to be in the presence of adults, I got the opportunity to meet with some elderly people
owing to the fact that I attended Sunday services . Considering the significant role of music
it is obvious the benefits are essential for socialisation.
Secondly
, fitness has a vital function in human well-being as a result
there is a major relationship between music
and exercise. Many families make use
of sounds during these activities moreover
, these performance
are done in groups and it attracts different Change the determiner
performances
race
together. Fix the agreement mistake
races
For
instance
the Zumba and Yoga dance which is Add a comma
,instance
good
method of exercising Add an article
a good
use
lyrics for its steps. A good number of people
from different part
of the countries and age Fix the agreement mistake
parts
group
come together to practice Fix the agreement mistake
groups
this
form Correct your spelling
lucrative
lucration
.
In conclusion, I still stand on my view that I strongly agree Change preposition
of lucration
to
the fact that Change preposition
with
music
can be a vital route to solidify various cultures and peer group
as one. I recommend that Fix the agreement mistake
groups
people
should listen to it quite often.Submitted by edelquin1996 on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite