IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. To what extend do you agree?

#people #sites #facebook #impact #individuals #society
It is thought by many that social networking
sites
,
for instance
, Facebook has
detrimental
Add an article
a detrimental
show examples
 effect on people both as
individuals
 as well as a society or community. I completely agree with
this
 statement, social networking
sites
 have caused issues not only for
individuals
 but
also
 for communities. With regards to
individuals
, these networking
sites
,
although
 believed that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
connects people from all over the world, not a single person develops a real or close connection with anyone.
For instance
, if any of your friends from the social
sites
 fall sick, let alone caring for them, some wouldn’t even be aware that they were unwell. These social networking connections are simply fake connections.
Furthermore
,
this
 leads to isolation and depression as well. Many of them will not be interested in going out and meeting friends but would prefer staying in their rooms and chatting online.
This
 ultimately leads to dejection and desolation.
On the other hand
, when it comes to societies, one may be connected to a person living miles away yet would not recognize their
next
-door neighbour.
This
 is mainly because one is constantly in touch with their friends
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
sites
 but would not have had the time to go out and meet
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 neighbour.
As a result
, societies have become more
disjoined
Correct your spelling
disjointed
show examples
 and fragmented.
In addition
 to that, people of the same localities do not have any close relationships. They are all involved only in their social world and individual
sites
 of their own. To conclude, these networking
sites
 neither have any positive impact on
individuals
 nor
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 societies.
Although
, these have been created to bring the world closer, somewhere it has brought distances in close relations.
Submitted by jubee.varghese on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • erosion
  • face-to-face
  • interactions
  • privacy concerns
  • data breaches
  • misinformation
  • polarize
  • cyberbullying
  • online harassment
  • procrastination
  • productivity
  • social isolation
  • dissemination
  • breeding ground
  • vast amounts
  • personal information
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: