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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that teachers should be paid according to how their students learn. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teachers #students
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It is sometimes argued that
teachers
' earnings should depend on the academic performance of their
students
. In my opinion, it would be wrong to tie
teachers
' gainings to
students
' scores. Some people think that it is fair for those who teach
good
Change the adjective
well
show examples
 to earn more.
Teachers
 who pay much more time and energy are more likely to teach better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that their
students
 show higher study efficiency and
thus
 lead to higher marks on exams.
Thus
, tutors who pay more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 deserve to gain more.
However
, it
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 bring more negative influence.
Firstly
, tutors who get paid
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
students
' literary
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 often suffer more pressure. They may push the pressure they have on
students
.
For example
, they will ask their
students
 to study more and finish more tasks in order to perform better on tests, which may impair
students
' study and life balance and bring harm to mental and physical health.
Secondly
, evaluation oriented by money solely will impair
sense
Correct article usage
a sense
show examples
 of satisfaction. Professionals like
teachers
 are valuable for a nation
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whose
next
 generation
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 fostered and guided by them. It is important to encourage them to make more
contribution
Fix the agreement mistake
contributions
show examples
 in their fields.
Lastly
, it is wrong to value a student only by his
academeic
Correct your spelling
academic
 performance. We should look more upon
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his manner, sports skills,
characters
Fix the agreement mistake
character
show examples
 and moral quality.
Thus
, we can't value a teacher only by his ability
of teaching
Replace the preposition
to teach
show examples
students
 to pass literature tests either. In conclusion, I totally
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
agree
 with the idea that
teachers
' revenues should be based on their
students
Change to a genitive case
student's
students'
show examples
 literary performances. More aspects should be concerned and the evaluation system should be more comprehensive.
Submitted by kev4313 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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