IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the International music that is heard everywhere nowadays? Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

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Nowadays, there are many different types of
music
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 in our world. Why
music
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 is listened
by
Change preposition
to by
show examples
people
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.
The traditional
Correct article usage
Traditional
show examples
music
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 is more important
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international. Some
people
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 argue that
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traditional
one
Use synonyms
 is less important. It’s argued that traditional
music
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is has
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more important. In my point of view, we have so interesting
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 in
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music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 industry.
To begin
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 with international
music
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. There are a lot of kinds of
music
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 in all countries.
Such
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 as Pop, Rock, Hip-Hop, Dancing, Club, etc.
this
Linking Words
music
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 sometimes
become
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becomes
show examples
 suddenly
mega popular
Add a hyphen
mega-popular
show examples
 in the world.
Furthermore
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, it quickly
become
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becomes
show examples
 unpopular or forgotten
for example
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 Korean guy created
Add a hyphen
mega-popular
show examples
mega
Correct article usage
a mega
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 popular record and it was popular
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 year.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it brought establishing
Add an article
a monument
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monument
Fix the agreement mistake
monuments
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 in
one
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 Korean city. Since it lost its famous popularity, we have not heard anything from
this
Linking Words
 Korean singer. Indeed the traditional
music
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 has
profound
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a profound
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 origin and
stay
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stays
show examples
 like
grey
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a grey
show examples
 cardinal. Each country or nation has
own
Correct pronoun usage
its own
show examples
 kind of
music
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 and lyrics with profound history and big events, which gave enormous
changing
Replace the word
changes
show examples
.
For instance
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, Ukrainian Kozaks went forward to battle they sang
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 song “ I will never give up without
fight
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a fight
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” – it inspired and had
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 influence. That led to victories.
However
Linking Words
 traditional
music
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 is bringing
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
show examples
 of each nation and country. It is learned by school, art-school and universities.
This
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 allows young
people
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have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
Change preposition
of a
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a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 history and inhering from the past. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 traditional
music
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 has
bigger
Correct article usage
a bigger
show examples
 influence
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worldwide
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 international. As we know in international
music
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 is popular and suddenly changeable. Young
people
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firstly
Linking Words
 study traditional
music
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also
Linking Words
 after that may change own taste to international
music
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. But traditional
music
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 always stays popular even though we do not see it.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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