IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that schoolchildren should be made to wear a uniform. Others feel that children should be free to choose their own clothes. Discuss both sides of the argument and say whether you agree with pupils wearing uniforms. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #schoolchildren #uniform #children #clothes #argument #pupils #uniforms
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In society, it is argued whether should
students
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 have a rule of wearing a uniform or not. Some people think that all
children
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 at
school
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 should have the same
clothes
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 to maintain the
school
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 spirit. Meanwhile, others argue that
children
Use synonyms
 should have freedom in their
outfits
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will
therefore
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 suggest that
students
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 should have the same formal dress code at
school
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.
First
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,
school
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 uniforms can maintain the
school
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 spirit. As pupils are assigned to wear the uniform, they can feel that they are included in the academic community. In the meantime, it can
also
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 build up the
school
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 soul. As everyone puts on the same outfit, it can encourage a sense of unity.
As a result
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, it can improve the overall atmosphere of the
school
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 positively.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 can spend less time choosing
clothes
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 in the morning. They don’t have to spend time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
deciding what to put on,
instead
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 of having their outfit,
students
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 can minify their time for getting ready in the morning.
Moreover
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, the number of
comparisons
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 and bullying between
students
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 can be reduced. If
children
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 have their own
outfits
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, they will easily be worried about their outlook.
As a result
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, their
clothes
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 will become a talking point in their conversation.
Comparisons
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 on their clothing are inevitable, a group of
children
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 will
therefore
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 bully
students
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 with poor
outfits
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.
Consequently
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, the
school
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 environment will have a gloomy atmosphere, as many
comparisons
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 and insults are happening.
On the other hand
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however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
, having
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 own
outfits
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 can provide freedom to
children
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 and encourage their independent thinking. If
students
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 are given the right to choose their
outfits
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, it requires
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
critical thinking.
Students
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 may wear
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
traditional
clothes
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 or
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
clothes
Use synonyms
, other
students
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 will
therefore
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 learn to respect
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other cultures.
As a result
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,
students
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 can have an opportunity to develop their independent thinking and critical thinking through having
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 choices of
outfits
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. In conclusion, everyone would like to have as much freedom as they can,
however
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, there is a need to have the rule on wearing uniform at
school
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. It is worth doing it, as its advantages are always more than its disadvantages. It can build up the college soul, decrease the
comparisons
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 and bully issues between
students
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dorischy124 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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