IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
Nowadays the number of
children
 with
obesity
 disease are grown up, some people believe that the
government
 should be responsible for
this
 problem. In
this
 essay, I will partly support
this
 statement. In modern society, we have plenty of different meat which is easy to buy.
This
 foodstuff consists of sugar and oils. Adolescents love sweet
food
 and the shops have a huge assortment of it. A lot of advertisements offer people fast and sweet
food
, which can lead to
obesity
, especially among the
children
,
moreover
 fast-
food
 restaurants
such
 as Mac Donald’s and KFS are very popular all over the world, because
this
 meal is cheap and fast, and gives opportunity to the parents do not cook at home. Another reason for the increasing quality of cases of childhood
obesity
 is that they prefer to spend a lot of time watching TV, YouTube, playing computer games and using social media. It leads to a lack of movement, and to problems with weight
as a result
. To solve
this
 problem the
government
 should create more sports centres, and arrange a lot of sports events for
children
, to involve them in the sport. In conclusion, I would argue that
government
 is responsible for
children
's
obesity
 as far as their parents. Parents should provide theirs’s
children
 with fresh and healthy
food
, meanwhile, the
government
 should create more sports facilities in the cities, and fast
food
 has to be forbidden in the schools and kinder gardens.
Submitted by mazhivotova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
What to do next:
Look at other essays: