IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Small business should avoid recruiting young women who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what level do you agree or disagree?

#business #women #maternity #level
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There is an argument that
,
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apply
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 small startups should prevent hiring single
women
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that after starting their family, they might use their maternity leave, and it can have negative effects on the businesses' financial situation. I
totalty
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totally
 disagree with
statement
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the statement
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, as I believe that young
women
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 could bring innovative approaches to the job and
such
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probebility
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probability
 is not enough for
this
Linking Words
 unfair decision. On the one hand, in some countries, paid maternity leave is around three years, and some small
businesse
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businesses
business
 avoid recruiting young
women
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 for just the probability of their pregnancy in the future
,
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apply
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 because it might cause
financial
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a financial
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 for them,
while
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 I believe it is not only ethical and
agaist
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against
 human rights, but
also
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 they surely losing some talented and determined person. As
an
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a
show examples
 business owner, a huge number of young
women
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 are working in my company and they bring innovative, efficient and valuable solutions
into
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to
show examples
 the job. As
an
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a
show examples
 young
Use synonyms
women
Correct the article-noun agreement
woman
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, I believe there are several solutions for
such
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 unfair activity,
Firstly
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, the governments should take steps and invest in small businesses and help them in
such
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 situations.
Secondly
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,
women
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 should care about each other.
For example
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, I hired a lot of talented
women
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 for my company as
an
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a
show examples
 small step for
such
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problem
Correct article usage
a problem
show examples
. I believe that young
women
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 are as
commited
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committed
 as others in their job and the
probebility
Correct your spelling
probability
 of pregnancy should not deprive them
from
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of
show examples
 promotion. In conclusion, despite the fact that some small businesses avoid recruiting young
women
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 to prevent paying maternity leave later on, I believe the governments are responsible and should take steps, and
women
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 who are in
charg
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charge
 of hiring, need to be more
sensative
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sensitive
 about younger
women
Use synonyms
 and value their ability the same as others.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

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task achievement
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas by elaborating more on your arguments. This will help ensure that your points are fully developed and effectively communicated.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your essay with clear paragraphs, each with a distinct main idea that flows logically to the next. This can enhance the reader's understanding and the overall coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which effectively address the topic and encapsulate your stance on the issue.
task achievement
You've provided a clear expression of your disagreement with the statement, establishing your position early and maintaining it throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • maternity leave
  • discrimination
  • gender bias
  • workplace diversity
  • employment law
  • economic benefits
  • family-friendly policies
  • staff retention
  • talent acquisition
  • employee turnover
What to do next:
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