IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that advertising has a strong effect on a person's decision making process. Others feel that it has little or no real impact. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #effect #person #decision #process #impact
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With the
Change preposition
The
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 pace of 21st-century technology
is
Verb problem
has
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 leapt to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 level which was unimaginable
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 decades ago
due to
Linking Words
 which
People
Use synonyms
 have many options in every field .
Although
Linking Words
 Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that aids have a strong effect on a person's choice
while
Linking Words
 purchasing anything, others consider that there is negligible effect on their decision . I agree with those who claim that it affects
little
Correct word choice
apply
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their commitment. To commence with , As many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
ads
Use synonyms
 really impact their decisions , the advertisement is shown in a very attractive way by the company .
For example
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 ,
although
Linking Words
 the
advertisements
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
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 the food
are attracting
Wrong verb form
attract
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 our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
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towards
Change preposition
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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because they are printed in a fabulous way
by
Change preposition
apply
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which
people
Use synonyms
 can easily
attract
Wrong verb form
be attracted
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 towards
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, many
people
Use synonyms
 tend to go
on
Change preposition
to
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 their shop
for eating
Change preposition
to eat
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 that food just by watching the ad they are not able to stop them .
In addition
Linking Words
 , many servers show
ads
Use synonyms
 minute by minute . Even though there is
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 , TV , emails and so on by which company can display their product when we are using any services we can find many different
ads
Use synonyms
 from different companies which seek our concentration towards them .
However
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 ,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 do not play a vital role in
people
Use synonyms
's
preference
Fix the agreement mistake
preferences
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are trustworthy , nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 are smarter than ever before they are not stuck or influenced by the
ads
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , if a person watches an ad in front of him
then
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 definitely he will not
starts
Change the verb form
start
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 to believe in that just by seeing it because now everyone has a sense of thinking deeply about that it might be wrong . Even though
Mostly
Rephrase
apply
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the products shown in
ads
Use synonyms
 are not same in the reality , they prefer to buy things by seeing them and
judge
Wrong verb form
judging
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 them in front of it ,not by the ad .
Moreover
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 , they take
the
Correct article usage
apply
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suggestions from their family and relatives about the products ,
which
Correct word choice
and which
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 material is best to purchase
according to
Linking Words
 their experience . In conclusion , in spite
Change preposition
of
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the
advertisements
Use synonyms
 can attract the mind of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to buy that thing , most
people
Use synonyms
 like to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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things at the
suggestions
Fix the agreement mistake
suggestion
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 of their relatives which is quite good for them .
Submitted by kiranghuman43 on

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task response
Provide more detailed examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are logically connected and presented in a clear, organized manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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