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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think high-end technology can prevent and cut down the rate of committing crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #technology #rate #crime
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The usage of sophisticated
technology
 as the means to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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crime rates has raised conflicting opinions. In my perspective, I completely agree that the advent of cutting-edge
technology
 can reduce the crime rate or even prevent someone from committing
such
 actions.
First
 and foremost,
technology
 has revolutionized the way monitoring can be done.
For instance
, security no longer need to go over all the places in a mall to find the potential criminal action, they can just watch it from the screen with a CCTV recording which can show people’s activities in a specific place at a specific time.
In addition
, it can help authorities to identify the culprit if there is shoplifting going on, quickly and effectively.
Hence
, the efficiency of
this
technology
 will have a big impact in solving unlawful
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
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.
Secondly
, with
technology
 like microdrone, which is a tiny device with an infrared feature and has the ability to fly over 350ft above the ground without public noticing, the police can monitor the crowd in public places
such
 as in a field of Coachella music festival. Violation often happens when there is a chance and that chance is massively increased in a crowded place where the crowd
negligent
Add a missing verb
is negligent
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 about their own safety or property. In
this
 situation, a thief can work freely without the fear of getting caught. But, with the implementation of microdrones,
such
 action can be prevented and can be solved immediately.
As a result
, the crime rates will be reduced and society can feel safer
to go
Change the verb form
going
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 to a crowded place. Current science advancement has
also
 made it possible to gather data at a click of a button. With a DNA database, the detection of possible suspects for a felony can be done swiftly and correctly. So, the right felons can be caught and prevent them from being free and doing other potentially harmful actions. In conclusion, the implementation of advanced
technology
 can help reduce and prevent illegal and lawbreaking activities in an effective and efficient way.
Submitted by solerammmmm on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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