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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many societies has its homeless people some people think that the best way to help them is give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #money
Every single society has made up of a population with various wealth
status
Fix the agreement mistake
statuses
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. There are numerous domains
exist
Correct pronoun usage
that exist
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which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 have underprivileged
people
 with no shelter. The prosperous mankind put their efforts to help out homeless
people
 through financial support.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 do
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 agree with the thought of assisting less fortunate ones by providing them
money
,
instead
 of
this
, there are other measures available, which help them more.
To begin
 with, offering financial support to
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
show examples
 population is not more than a temporary solution,
this
 may be proved as more detrimental for them.
For instance
, there is a fair possibility, where
such
people
 can use the
money
 in any anti-social activity like drugs, gamble etc,
thus
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 situation might deteriorate.
Furthermore
 providing a helping hand by granting cash would not encourage human beings to hunt for a livelihood or keenness for settling down on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own,
instead
 of
this
,
people
 could indulge in begging
money
 for their survival.
on the other hand
, there are
enumerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 ways to aid
underprivilage
Correct your spelling
underprivileged
 in the place of giving
money
, which surely help them in a long run.
For instance
, buying them edible items, clothes, shoes, blankets etc would
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 ease them.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 to empower the poor ones, affluent society should come with an idea of a permanent solution like small jobs, teaching them life skills, schooling etc,
these solution
Change the determiner
this solution
these solutions
show examples
 would certainly enable them to
reslove
Correct your spelling
resolve
 the problem. Ton
conclude
Change the verb form
concludes
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 wholeheartedly believe that true help to no shelter
people
 is to assist them in standing on their own with pride, rather than only giving financial aid.
Submitted by rukhsar.syed91 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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