Some people think that mobile phones are harmful for children, while others disagree. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

People hold different views as to whether mobile
phones
are detrimental to
children
or not. In my opinion,
this
depends very much on how the
phones
are used and how that use is supervised as to whether they are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
children
or not. On the one hand, some people think
children
can be harmed by using mobile
phones
mainly because the games and apps found on
phones
, which are mostly not educational, can easily become addictive.
This
results in
children
engaging less in healthy physical activities and spending less time on homework, both of which can have dire consequences in the long run.
Furthermore
, using mobile
phones
exposes
children
to unmonitored social media platforms where predators might be lurking in wait by taking advantage of the anonymity offered online.
On the other hand
, mobile
phones
can actually protect
children
by allowing
parents
to track their geographical location and contact them immediately if necessary. Never before have
parents
been able to know the exact whereabouts of their
child
minute by minute.
In addition
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instant communication provides essential security for
children
in times of crisis.
Lastly
, mobile
phones
do allow access to educational apps specifically created for
children
which, if used wisely, can
further
their education.
Finally
, I believe that if
parents
monitor how the
smart phone
Correct your spelling
smartphone
show examples
is being used by their
child
, it can be beneficial for a
child
's development. By blocking certain social media sites,
parents
can be sure their
child
is safe whilst being online.
Moreover
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
setting time limits on how long their
child
can use the phone means that it will not interfere with a
child
's educational development and will avoid any form of addiction. In conclusion,
children
are only at risk when using a mobile phone if they are not being supervised and are not given strict guidelines to follow which are set by their
parents
. Comments:
This
essay presents a clear opinion which is fully explained. Both sides have been clearly discussed. Ideas are extended and supporting points
relevant
Add a missing verb
are relevant
show examples
. Ideas are organised
logical
Change the word
logically
show examples
and a good range of linking words have been used. Grammar is both complex and accurate. Vocabulary is topic related and less common items are used.
Submitted by amony6769 on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive screen time
  • health problems
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • disrupted sleep patterns
  • inappropriate content
  • addiction
  • reliance
  • impair
  • social skills
  • educational tools
  • digital literacy
  • mitigated
  • parental guidance
  • safeguards
  • responsible use
  • monitored
  • development
  • benefits
  • risks
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