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Band 5.5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
It is argued that
people
 should confine help to
people
 needing financial aid from their own populations
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because there are numerous
people
 needing help around the world.
This
 essay agrees with that suggestion completely because of its benefits.
This
 essay will
first
 look at how helping our own
countries
 could be beneficial for the citizens, and
then
 how
this
 attitude could be helpful globally in the great scheme of things. It is unfortunately clear that the number of
people
 who need help continues to increase and while the world becomes more and more modern. At
this
 point, helping
people
 needing
support
 is inevitable. From my point of view, the most pragmatic and easy way of
this
 is to give priority to
people
 around us,
such
 as our citizens, rather than
people
 from other
countries
.
For instance
, each government should organise supportive acts for their citizens,
such
 as paying the rent of their apartment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or providing scholarships for students from
lower income
Add a hyphen
lower-income
show examples
 families.
Moreover
, local authorities should have a role in improving conditions for their residents who need
support
.
Hence
, it would possibly be easier to reach each individual within the country.
For example
, the municipality of Ankara lists the names and addresses of residents in need and provides them with healthy living conditions and free access to health services, as far as it is possible. In the case of all
countries
 and local authorities taking
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
 for their own residents, individuals in need would not be constrained to wait for food or health services from the
countries
 miles away from them.
Thus
, any kind of
support
 would be conveyed to those
people
 as
quick
Replace the word
quickly
show examples
 as possible. In conclusion, helping priorly to our own communities has benefits in terms of national and global settings. Provided that local authorities and governments
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their responsibilities, it seems possible to improve
living
Correct article usage
the living
show examples
 conditions of societies requiring
support
.
Submitted by ilkem.emeksiz on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global interconnectivity
  • international cooperation
  • ethics
  • moral obligation
  • geographical borders
  • diplomatic relations
  • economic stability
  • global security
  • resource allocation
  • expertise
  • international aid
  • dependency and development
  • sustainable solutions
  • local and global initiatives
  • community resilience
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