IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that fittest and strongest individual and team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #team #success #sports #attitude
There is an ongoing controversy as to whether
championship
Correct article usage
a championship
show examples
 in team competition depends on the physical strength of each member or their emotional determination. To the best of my knowledge, I support the latter view and will outline the reasons below. On the one hand, it is of paramount importance for athletes to maximize their muscles and stamina inasmuch as sports always
requires
Correct subject-verb agreement
require
show examples
 a vast amount of energy.
Therefore
, were any player to get exhausted, the general coordination among the team would immediately be interrupted and affect the winning ability. On top of that,
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 index, which states the fitness of a sportsman, is set to play a pivotal role
to categorize
Change preposition
in categorizing
show examples
 the level of that person in all likelihood. For that reason, individuals are encouraged to enhance their health conditions in the hope of being at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher rank.
On the other hand
, the intangible factors are regarded as an impetus to the success ratio in many cases. A typically prominent instance is that sportsmen, especially football players, can break their limits and enhance their competitiveness under the
audiences'
Change noun form
audience's
show examples
 cheer and support. Another justification is that with a rigorous will and strategy, an athlete can sharpen his or her
focuses
Fix the agreement mistake
focus
show examples
 and gain a higher chance
to defeat
Change preposition
of defeating
show examples
 competitors.
Although
 a marathon requires a large amount of energy, it is the
racers
Change noun form
racer's
racers'
show examples
 notion that motivates them to run through the finish line and overcome moments of fatigue. In conclusion, the physical shape is necessary but the appropriate mindset holds the better proportion to success.
Submitted by kimhang.rec on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views and providing a clear opinion. However, it would benefit from a more balanced argument with slightly more emphasis on the opposing view.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is generally clear, with a well-presented introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples, although there is room for improvement in the transition and connection of ideas within paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical fitness
  • Endurance
  • Mental toughness
  • Motivation
  • Physical prowess
  • Coaching
  • Training methods
  • Support systems
  • Handling pressure
  • Consistent training
  • Discipline
  • Teamwork
  • Communication
  • Athletic longevity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: