IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The government should spend more money on medical research to protect citizens' health rather than on protecting the environment. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that it is essential for the authorities to invest more
money
Use synonyms
 in medical findings to save residents’ well-being rather than
on
Change preposition
in
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 saving the natural surroundings.
While
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this
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 opinion is valid to some extent, I consider myself an advocate of it. Without a shadow of a doubt, citizens’
health
Use synonyms
 plays a paramount significant role in the development of a nation. To be specific,
it is clear that
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 dwellers are the rich
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 workforce devoting their worth
for
Change preposition
to
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 the country.
Hence
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, spending more materials on medical research means the governments distribute
money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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national prosperity. Particularly, Japan can be cited as an outstanding instance
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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, the governors allocate a wealth of budget for medical research to improve the residents’ physical
health
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 so that
Japanese
Correct article usage
the Japanese
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 is one of the healthiest populations in the world. By doing so, the governments make a
favorable
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favourable
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 for their citizens to dedicate themselves to the nation.
Therefore
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, it is necessary for the authorities to invest more
money
Use synonyms
 in
health
Use synonyms
 findings.
On the contrary
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, it is undeniable that the natural surroundings play a paramount significant role that directly impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
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human’s
Change noun form
human
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health
Use synonyms
. To clarify
this
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 idea, nowadays, there are myriad types of dangerous pollution that can cause life loss
due to
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 high number in the
dangerous
Replace the word
dangers
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 level and some of them even exceed the acceptable limit. To be particular, India is the most notable example
that
Correct word choice
where
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 a number of people died because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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lethal air pollution.
In other words
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, protecting the environment is an indirect way to protect the settlers’ fitness.
Thus
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, the environment should be spent more on the national budget.
To sum up
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, it is crucial for the governors to spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on medical
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and nature needs to be taken into consideration too.

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