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Band 5

Living in large cities today poses many problems for people. What are these problems? Should governments encourage more people to live in smaller towns?

#cities #people #governments #towns
People
 who live in big cities have numerous difficulties
such
 as a polluted environment and overpopulation. These
problems
 can cause
further
problems
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the
problems
 related to
this
 circumstance and suggest viable solutions.
Gravitation
Add an article
The gravitation
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 of population toward the large cities causes numerous
problems
, the most serious of which is the steep upward trend in housing
prices
. These days, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
young
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the young
show examples
people
 cannot afford to buy their own house in
urban
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an urban
the urban
show examples
area
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areas
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, and even if they buy a house, they have to borrow
huge
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a huge
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amount
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amounts
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 of money from banks to buy it. After
then
,
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time will
needed
Change the verb form
be needed
show examples
 for them to repay all the loans they borrowed. In order to break
this
 vicious cycle, the
government
 must implement
a policies
Correct the article-noun agreement
policies
a policy
show examples
 to stabilize housing
prices
.
For example
, in Korea, to cool the housing market,
administration
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the administration
show examples
 has introduced 24 sets of measures, focusing primarily on regulations and tax increases. After 8 months since they introduced those plans, housing
prices
 began to stabilize, and the market had generally recovered. So to curb the upward trend of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
prices
, intervention of the
government
 is necessary. Another prominent problem is
economic
Add an article
an economic
the economic
show examples
 imbalance between the
city
 and the
small town
Add a hyphen
small-town
show examples
 region. The more
people
 flock to the large
city
, the better the environment is created in the large
city
 according to the needs of the
people
, and as a consequence of
this
, all those who have previously lived in the countryside are trying to move to the
city
.
This
 phenomenon leads to imbalances between the two
region
Change to a plural noun
regions
show examples
. In my opinion, the
government
 should introduce a local development policy and give some incentive to
people
 to live in
rural
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a rural
the rural
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. Success stories of local revitalization policies can be found in Korea.
Government
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The government
show examples
 let the large company relocate their office functions to rural areas aimed at ensuring stable and quality jobs in rural areas.
Consequently
, new houses were built in the areas, and many train routes connecting large
city
 and the suburb. Eventually, a myriad of
people
 who had planned to move to
metropolitan
Add an article
the metropolitan
a metropolitan
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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 or
people
 who already moved to
big
Add an article
the big
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
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 had moved to
this
 region, boosting the regional economy and reduced the gap between urban and local development. In conclusion, I
reck on
Correct your spelling
reckon
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 the
government
’s intervention is necessary to solve the problem,
such
 as population concentration in the cities, soaring housing
prices
, and the slowing of
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 economy.
Submitted by shoep11 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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