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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents and teachers think that children’s behavior should be strictly controlled. While some think that children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#parents #teachers #children’s #behavior #think #children
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In recent times, it has been argued whether
children
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’s behaviour should be controlled or given
freedom
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 among numerous parents and educators.
Although
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 young
people
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 might not have an accurate judgement in certain circumstances,
however
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, I believe that
children
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’s actions should not be limited. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that young
people
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 should be taught how to behave and act since it can help
children
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 avoid making serious problems even crimes. Youngsters do not have sufficient experience to judge the potential risk when they take action.
For example
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, we can hear from the news that some young kids drown in dams as they do not have an awareness of the danger of swimming in dams.
Moreover
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,
children
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 can learn to do the right things after they are taught by their parents and teachers how to behave.
On the other hand
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, I support the viewpoint that
children
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 should be granted
freedom
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 to behave since the potential abilities of young
people
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 can be stimulated by
freedom
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. If young
people
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 have their own right to make decisions and figure out problem-solutions, their intellectual skills will be activated
such
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 as creativity and critical thinking.
For instance
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, schoolchildren try to make friends with their classmates when they first enter school. Without parents’ guidance, they will figure out their methods to communicate with others, and
as a result
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, their communication skills can be improved.
Furthermore
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, these intellectual skills will be beneficial to their future career life In conclusion, it is fair that some parents and teachers are willing to control their
children
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’s behaviours in case
children
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 make serious mistakes. But I think that young
people
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 should have the
freedom
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 to behave as their potential capabilities play a more important role in their lives.
Submitted by shaojiedang on

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your own opinion to fully satisfy the task response requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the essay's overall cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and increase the task achievement score.
lexical resource
Expand your lexical range by incorporating a variety of synonyms and less common phrases to increase your lexical resource score.
grammatical range
Utilize a broader range of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range and accuracy, thereby enhancing your grammatical range score.
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