IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some parents and teachers think that children’s behavior should be strictly controlled. While some think that children should be free to behave. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent times, it has been argued whether
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviour should be controlled or given
freedom
Use synonyms
 among numerous parents and educators.
Although
Linking Words
 young
people
Use synonyms
 might not have an accurate judgement in certain circumstances,
however
Linking Words
, I believe that
children
Use synonyms
’s actions should not be limited. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that young
people
Use synonyms
 should be taught how to behave and act since it can help
children
Use synonyms
 avoid making serious problems even crimes. Youngsters do not have sufficient experience to judge the potential risk when they take action.
For example
Linking Words
, we can hear from the news that some young kids drown in dams as they do not have an awareness of the danger of swimming in dams.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can learn to do the right things after they are taught by their parents and teachers how to behave.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I support the viewpoint that
children
Use synonyms
 should be granted
freedom
Use synonyms
 to behave since the potential abilities of young
people
Use synonyms
 can be stimulated by
freedom
Use synonyms
. If young
people
Use synonyms
 have their own right to make decisions and figure out problem-solutions, their intellectual skills will be activated
such
Linking Words
 as creativity and critical thinking.
For instance
Linking Words
, schoolchildren try to make friends with their classmates when they first enter school. Without parents’ guidance, they will figure out their methods to communicate with others, and
as a result
Linking Words
, their communication skills can be improved.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these intellectual skills will be beneficial to their future career life In conclusion, it is fair that some parents and teachers are willing to control their
children
Use synonyms
’s behaviours in case
children
Use synonyms
 make serious mistakes. But I think that young
people
Use synonyms
 should have the
freedom
Use synonyms
 to behave as their potential capabilities play a more important role in their lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before stating your own opinion to fully satisfy the task response requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to improve the essay's overall cohesion.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and increase the task achievement score.
lexical resource
Expand your lexical range by incorporating a variety of synonyms and less common phrases to increase your lexical resource score.
grammatical range
Utilize a broader range of sentence structures to showcase your grammatical range and accuracy, thereby enhancing your grammatical range score.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: