IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages
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Nowadays,
Use synonyms
music related
Add a hyphen
music-related
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 topic has become a controversial issue.
Although
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, there are some
people
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 who believe that
music
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connect
Change the verb form
connects
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people
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 of all age groups and cultures together, while others
people
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 do not support the idea that
music
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 brings
close
Correct pronoun usage
them close
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 to one another. In my opinion, I completely agree with the statement,
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
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 industry has developed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 sense of connection among
people
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 despite having differences. On the one hand, regarding
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music
Add an article
the music
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 of different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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, the best part about
music
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 is that no special skills are required like knowledge of
language
Add an article
the language
show examples
.
In other words
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, no need to learn
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 foreign language to understand it, as it is amusing in
everyway
Correct your spelling
every way
everyday
.
Hence
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, the disparity among cultures would be not as effective as indifference among their ethnic groups.
For example
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, many South Indian songs are popular in north
india
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India
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, as there are
a lots
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a lot
lots
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 of
difference
Fix the agreement mistake
differences
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 in the language and culture. Even, these songs got recognition for celebration.
In addition
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, by sharing the common
music
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 playlist, it is easy to build
friendship
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a friendship
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 which ultimately benefits
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Secondly
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, for different age
people
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, chances of making time to each other like the young
people
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 and old
people
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 unite easily because
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music
Add an article
the music
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 would develop good understanding level by spending time together.
Consequently
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 strong bond can
be easily build
Change the verb form
be easily built
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 between a child and their grandparents because of
common
Correct article usage
the common
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 interest
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
music
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. In conclusion, despite having differences of cultures and age, a person
have
Change the verb form
has
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 developed the understanding level to a certain stage by knowing others through the medium of
music
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 independently. I extremely
supports
Change the verb form
support
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this
Linking Words
 statement that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 brings
people
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 closer.
Submitted by hetpatel3205 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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