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Band 4

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children #member #society #school #place
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Children
Use synonyms
 are one of the pivot assets of the country;
therefore
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, it is better for the country as well as
children
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 to learn discipline and how to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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responsible
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
with the help of their
parents
Use synonyms
 but certain people claim that it is a school's obligation. Without
further
Linking Words
speculation
Add a comma
speculation,
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 I will dissect contrary views and bring forth my deduction. Pupils,
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their early stage of
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life
Add the comma(s)
life,
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 have less maturity;
consequently
Linking Words
, they learn various aspects of
life
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 from their first role models, their
parents
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
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 ought to give a plethora of advice to their
children
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 which help them to build a great image of themselves among their relatives
as well as
Linking Words
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
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 are the first
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 to predict their son's moves so that they can teach them
at
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in
show examples
 the first place which would give them confidence to behave like a mature person.
For example
Linking Words
,
department
Correct article usage
the department
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 of
discipline's
Capitalize word
Discipline's
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 research endorses that in 70% of
children
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's success,
parents
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 play an immense role by giving advice on their behaviour.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
students
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 spend almost 6 hours in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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school which is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sufficient time for anyone to improve any student's behaviour. Nowadays, schools have a modicum of lectures on anger management which explains various concepts of behaviour. In fact, plenty of teachers educate their
students
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how
Change preposition
on how
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 to behave with elders and different ways to give them respect. In addition, the government is planning a course on discipline management for
students
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 which provides them
important
Change preposition
with important
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 lessons based on good communication for their job interviews.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
parents
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 and schools both play an extraordinary role in
children
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's
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. I believe that both are necessary for
children
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's growth and without
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
students
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 would lose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
control over their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 by misbehaving with others on simple points.
Submitted by hetpatel3205 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • moral values
  • social norms
  • structured environment
  • cooperation
  • respect
  • communal responsibilities
  • decision-making
  • societal integration
  • consistent messages
  • cultural expectations
  • complementary roles
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