IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

More and more people are seriously overweight. Some people suggest the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
According to some point of
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 Nowadays obesity is one of the most widespread problems in the world, which can be solved, according to some human propositions, by establishing high prices on processing
foods
. I disagree with
this
 suggestion and
this
 essay will discuss the phenomena of obesity. The main reason which leads to appearing the above-mentioned problem is not only processing
foods
, but a non-healthy and sedentary lifestyle in general and following measures can probably settle
this
. The decrease in processing food consumption can be achieved through the prohibition of fast-food advertisements. That kind of advertising appears in movies, internet games, mobile apps, sports games, tabloids,
therefore
 it can be seen in almost every crowded place. People, especially youth, can fall under the influence of that propaganda. If the government made the prohibition law for that kind of advertisement, the rise of usage of fast
foods
 would stop. At the same time, as the
second
 measure, governments can impose an excise tax on fattening
foods
.
This
 measure perhaps may reduce the number of fast-food restaurants and, by decreasing the access to that kind of
foods
, can decline its consumption. It is
also
 important to promote a healthy lifestyle, through open areas with different free sports facilities, introduce free courts for sporting games, organizing sporting events. Every person, in a different part of their life, may need access to convenient and inexpensive
foods
.
For instance
, students, individuals who come from other cities and others, who do not have time or opportunity to prepare meals. Taking into account, that increasing prices of processing
foods
 might not bring the results,
although
 can lead to mentioned inconvenience. According to the essay, several methods, which can help to solve the problem of human overweight do exist. In my opinion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
raising the price
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 special types of
foods
 would not be able to solve the global problem of obesity.
Submitted by ospanovaalma7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: