some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree

#people #children #world #work #schools #teenagers #time #subjects

People have different views about

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenagers not perceive both aspects of school and occupation. For that reason, they suppose that adolescence should be taken part in

job

program

instead

of spending

all

Add a hyphen

all-time

show examples

time

in the school. Whilst there are many reasons to justify

such

a viewpoint, I totally agree with

this

statement.

Firstly

, there are numerous reasons why

Add an article

a student

the student

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

should have a part-

time

job

rather

focus

Change preposition

than focus

show examples

too much on study hypothetical. In the population circumstance and globalization, almost

job

Correct quantifier usage

all job

show examples

require

Change the verb form

requires

show examples

experience skills and ability to deal with, practical

also

play an essential part

Change preposition

show examples

recruitment. It means that

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

could be faced with unemployment or having trouble

to find

Change the verb form

finding

show examples

Correct article usage

the

show examples

right

job

without practical.

For instance

, a survey at the University of Sydney proved that 60% of

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

who

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

not been for any short

time

job

could not find an appropriate

job

with their major and 40% with

job

experience as communication skill, computer

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

or hospitality

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

have more

job

opportunity.

Therefore

, it becomes more important to allocate working

time

and studying

time

together which is considered

fundamental

Add an article

the fundamental

a fundamental

show examples

foundation for teenagers after they graduate. Moving on to consider the opposing side arguments, some parents think that doing a part-

time

job

along with studying in university will make their children get

bad

Add an article

a bad

show examples

result

Fix the agreement mistake

results

show examples

. It is largely attributed to the fact that knowledge

are

Change the verb form

show examples

first

Correct article usage

the first

show examples

criteria to evaluate input human resources.

For example

, in

rural

Add an article

a rural

the rural

show examples

area

Fix the agreement mistake

areas

show examples

of Vietnam, many people willing to work when they were 15 or 16 years old with little knowledge must accept low

salary

Fix the agreement mistake

salaries

show examples

with

unfair

Replace the word

unfairness

show examples

in their

job

Change preposition

In another

show examples

Another word

Fix the agreement mistake

Other words

show examples

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

also

should priority academic achievement to get

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

score that promotes occupation in the future. In conclusion, while there are strong arguments on both

side

Fix the agreement mistake

sides

show examples

of the debate, a final conclusion must be drawn, and I strongly agree that children should have awareness in studying and working.

Moreover

, they

also

should be considered working in

short

Add an article

a short

show examples

time

to have a deeper insight about practical and theories.

Submitted by nguyenvithanhdat on Tue Oct 12 2021

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

333 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and schools should make teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extent do you agree

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaurs, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but others believe it is not the government’s responsibility. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, there is not enough recycling of waste materials(e.g.. paper, glass, and cans). What are the reasons, and what can be done to solve this problem?

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that all children should have a pet or an animal to look after. Other people disagree, however, saying that this depends on a child’s circumstances. Consider these opposing views, and give your own opinion.